The furnace of love

I’ve been wanting to make the world a better place since I was 11 or something, but as I’ve grown into my life and its destined experiences I’ve come to learn that I don’t know what will make the world a better place. I don’t know the long term implications of my ideas. There are so many variables that need to be taken into consideration for an optimal outcome which is basically one that’s balanced. So instead of focusing on creating ideas I’ve spent the last two years creating an inner space that is highly tolerant of uncertainty and the presence of polarities.

This has always then led me to transcend into someone capable of not only holding space for the complex global problems ( so-called wicked problems) but digest them to understand the root cause in a layman’s term. Because I’m not an academic nor have I studied any of the accomplished thinkers in history. I’m just someone who came into a messy world with a sensitive system and I discovered that keeping my head down and just focusing on surviving was worse than death to me. I have an image in my soul of how things could be, an imprint I carried with me into this life and it won’t let me rest until I see it through. It’s my cross to bear in this life and I simply don’t have a choice. The suffering I’ve endured is largely because of what I see and perceive and how it clashes fundamentally with how the world is set up today. So I guess the system has an inbuilt detection of anomalies like me and is built to destroy and eliminate me, much like how a body attacks and rejects a new organ.

And I accept that the trauma is the price I pay to gain access to the information I do, and I’ve always been given a chance to opt out. Before every major shift there’s this intuitive crossroads I come to where I’m given permission to not go further. And I always choose to because pain aside, healing and fixing things is what makes life worth living for me. Not accolades, not materialism, but the dynamism of bringing and grounding new energies and life on earth and seeing people whose pain I empathize with, finding relief. That’s my motivation.

Premeditated suffering

When you internalize your core wounds which usually are the initial blows to your psyche as a child, you rearrange your existential instincts that you came into being with and instead of evolution you become committed to protection. You can’t survive and thrive at the same time. And this is a good thing because if you’re underdeveloped and overpowered then it’s not a good idea to punch up.

But what happens when you outgrow the threats to where it’s possible to challenge your original beliefs around the existential woundings? Because if you’ve created a base commitment to protection then that means that you believe that reality is fixed and that healing is impossible. So you do what you can with what you have. However, this also means that when the opportunity for healing and growing into a more harmonious reality avails itself you’ll vehemently reject it because it’s not a possibility in your mind. You’ve so identified with the poison that you’re threatened by the antidote for fear that this would provoke even more poison. Though you’re no longer that child, your subconscious is still acting on the best interests of that helpless child you once were. And that means that you’re perpetually overpowered and there’s no possibility of being free. That fixed protection system came into existence for a specific purpose and that’s all it knows how to do.

There comes a time where you have to shed the exoskeleton and you’ll be attacked by your own psyche – not unlike an autoimmune disease. And you have to stand your ground long enough to gain immunity through reinjury. This self-annihilation pits the ego against the calcified wounds, stimulating a process of spiritual alchemy that transmutes you into a higher self which essentially is your soul potential or self-actualization.

So your wounds aren’t a block in your evolution, they are actually divinely assigned to trigger this intense process.

I’ve been quiet for so long

Challenge but don’t obstruct
Sacrifice but don’t compromise
Accommodate but don’t pander
Empathize but don’t internalize
Accept but don’t bypass
Discern but don’t judge
Love but don’t idealize

Harmony is inner balance that organically arises from the transmutation and merging of tension. Not the elimination of it.

Descend my friend , don’t pretend to ascend 

​If we try to escape the pain, frustration, and dissatisfaction of our existential situation by continually acting out our unconscious without reflecting upon what we are doing, we are postponing a deeper and more genuine relationship with ourselves. In avoiding relationship with ourselves, we are like a hamster frantically running around inside of a wheel, and our suffering is totally neurotic and unproductive. But if we are able to hold the powerful psychic energies that get constellated when we go inwards, and try to consciously explore, express, and embrace the experience, our suffering becomes redemptive, and genuine transformation occurs.

Creatively holding the tension of the opposites without splitting, dissociating, or projecting out one of the opposites is a conscious experience of darkness that nourishes and cultivates the light of the Self. Instead of oscillating and being thrown back and forth between the opposites, a state in which we identify with one of the opposites while having no conscious connection with the other, we develop a container within ourselves where we are able to experience both opposites simultaneously.

 The inspiration for this process, the philosophers’ stone crystallizes in, as and through the individual psyche as a result. Consciousness is a psychic substance that is produced by the opposites suffered, not blindly, but in living awareness. With a good container, the endless circling and cycling, instead of being a holding pattern that parasitically drains our energy, becomes a circulating spiral that leads both ever higher into consciousness and deeper into the unconscious, where it circumambulates, illuminates, and activates the latent creative source at its center.


The highest value, whether it is called the Self, Christ, or the philosophers’ stone is already present in a state of latent potentiality until it is consciously realized in the human soul. The alchemical vessel is symbolic of the importance of the psychic comprehension of the Self. Recognizing the wholeness of the Self is the very act that actualizes the Self in time. We, through our consciousness or lack thereof, play the key role in the creation of the mystical vessel, and hence, ourselves. The multi-dimensional vessel, envisioned as a material substance, symbolizes the realization of divinity reaching down into and transforming matter.

– Paul Levy, The Light of the Darkness 

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