Schrödinger’s life 

​10 second snaps, 140 character tweets, 7 second vines. Fill fill fill. Every minute, every corner, every feeling; don’t leave anything to an ambiguous silence or else your inner void will suck you inwards.
Do do do! Doesn’t matter what you think or feel about the doing, just keep moving. 

As long as you’re ticking the social laundry list of achievements, don’t worry about how you feel about yourself. You’re insignificant unless you’re recognized by the majority.
Don’t waste a dime by not spending it. Don’t waste a minute in silence. Unless you can see your life running out right in front of you, how can you know that you’re alive?

If others can’t attest to your wittiness, your abilities, your social standing, do you even matter? 

Fill your hands and mouth to conceal your gaping inner void. At least until you’re placed in a hole in the ground and your grave is filled with sand. 

Rediscovering Ramadaan#9

The rumbles of your hungry stomach
Your parched tongue
The headache that is ominously spreading around your head like a dark rain cloud
The tempations firing off in your weary head, albeit slower than usual

While others can see your physical body, only Allaah can see your soul.
The soul often gets lost in the dictatorship of the ego, the desperate need for approval, immediate gratifications.
And thus is lost the connection with Allaah.
The body might very well be busy in rukuuc and sujuud and Qur’aan recitation and Cumra, but if the soul is silent?
Whatever isn’t done for the sake of Allaah, never lasts. Because after everything perishes, only Allaah will remain, the King of Kings.

Ramadaan is a time of solitude, stillness. A time to recalibrate the soul. To start anew.

It’s a reminder that just like no one can feel your hunger, no one can feel your pain or your yearnings or your hopes or your joy.
Only Allaah truly knows you in the things that matter. He sees who you are behind your mask.

Which is why hypocrisy is worse than blatant kufr. Even minor hypocrisy like doing things like praying taraweeh or paying sadaqa so that you can get a good standing with the people, or hold back from something you wanted to do because you’re afraid of what people would say.
(This is how Fudayl ibn Ciyaad defined ikhlaas btw)
You are more concerned with what people will think than what Allaah knows of you. That is the antithesis of Tawheed.

And yet, Allaah never tires of calling us back from our self-destruction to our self-actualization.

image

The Martian

feather-on-the-snow

Find meaning. Distinguish melancholy from sadness. Go out for a walk. It doesn’t have to be a romantic walk in the park, spring at its most spectacular moment, flowers and smells and outstanding poetical imagery smoothly transferring you into another world. It doesn’t have to be a walk during which you’ll have multiple life epiphanies and discover meanings no other brain ever managed to encounter. Do not be afraid of spending quality time by yourself. Find meaning or don’t find meaning but ‘steal’ some time and give it freely and exclusively to your own self. Opt for privacy and solitude. That doesn’t make you antisocial or cause you to reject the rest of the world. But you need to breathe. And you need to be.

— Albert Camus (Notebooks 1951-1959)

Focus on me

illuminate

Monika Serkowska ( Falling Apart)

“Don’t be confused by the nature of solitude, when something inside you wants to break free of your loneliness. This very wish, when you use it as a tool for understanding, can illumine your solitude and expand it to include all that is. Bound by conventions, people tend to reach for what is easy. It is clear, however, that here we must be unafraid of what is difficult. For all living things in nature must unfold in their particular way and become themselves at any cost and despite all opposition.”

Rainer Maria Rilke (letters to a young poet)

I’m *not* in denial, You are!

I hate solitude and I fear intimacy. For a long time I couldn’t figure out the reason behind this apparent oxymoron. Imagine my heart being a haunted house; I’m scared of the evil that lurks behind doors and under stairs, so I need to make a lot of clamour and noise to drown this fear. To make myself forget this fear. I invite people over,but I tell them we can’t move past the kitchen. I don’t want them to go to the scary nooks and crannies that I invited them to avoid in the first place. But it gets tricky because I can’t really tell them that I’m scared of my own house, right? And what do I tell them when they want a house tour? Perhaps go to the bathroom? Or worse; sleep over??

Now I’m really in a tough position, between a scary and an awkward place. I start becoming agitated because they are defeating the purpose of their visit! Their purpos–

Ah yes… I didn’t think that one through, the purpose thingy. It’s not manipulation, is it? Nah, I wouldn’t…I wouldn’t say that because ,you know, I mean, I like these people, it’s not like I don’t. I just don’t want to go to certain places of my house. I don’t want them to leave either, because, you know, I’d feel guilty for having made them uncomfortable? Yeah, no, you see it’s nothing like manipulation! What’s that?Oh, yeah I did invite them because initially I was scared, but still, they don’t know that right? 😐

Urgh. I’m not getting away with this, am I? I feel so rotten. All these complications because of those darn things that lurk everywhere! You know what, I got it! 💡The problem is this house, so if I move- problem solved! Duh! Why didn’t I think about this earlier? Haha.

My fear? My fear isn’t the issue, I mean I’m scared because it’s haunted, you know? 😕 I mean, I’m not a scaredy-cat or anything. Last house I lived in before this one was in a bad neighbourhood, like bad bad. Killers and rapist roaming the streets at night, you know? Yeah, scary stuff. I didn’t really encounter any, but, you know, I’d hear dudes making noise at 2 am down the street. They sure were up to something.

No, no, I’m really not speculating. The world’s a creepy place, you know? So yeah. I’ll call up the real estate guy first thing in the morning. Gotto find a safe place, remote but not too remote. Big, nice house. Mm, not too big, I mean that’d be creepy. And not too nice, I wouldn’t want to attract robbers, you know? Seeing I live by myself and all. Oh, I’ll have to make new friends now! Aww… :(. Will miss the ones I have. But oh well. Such is life right?

Do I keep in touch with old neighbours? Naah, not really. What’s the point? I mean, we aren’t neighbours anymore, and I always find new ones. I’m too busy to keep in touch.

Huh?I what?What the…!? I am NOT! I’m not using them! Gosh! Geez. What’s with the wild allegations? No, that’s not it. I mean, they don’t keep in touch with me either. Urgh, why are you trying to insinuate that I’m shallow? Why are you making this about me? Why can’t you just believe me ?

Fearful- you say I’m fearful? I am not, mister. Really? Fearful? My goodness. And how does that make me shallow?

Oh, so now I | i m a g i n e |danger huh? Who do you think I am? A lunatic? C’mon! No, that’s not it. There’s an explanation for it all. You know what? I don’t need this bullshitting in my life. You are constantly in my ear, doubting everything I say and tryna confuse me with that psychobabble. You know what Dr. Phil – take your armchair elsewhere. I’m done with you.  😡

* Mental note: intuition.

 

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