Seek harmony

Dare to discover what you contributed to your suffering. It’s difficult because it’d seem like it was all your fault. But it’s actually the opposite. You’re taking back your power by doing what is in your control. You can only be accountable for what you can control. And though your oversight or self-neglect or self-denial or self-hate isn’t grounds for bad things happening to you, it shows you how you took the first jab at yourself. The external situation is just amplifying your self sabotage. And that’s no small matter either. Just because it’s yourself you’re oppressing doesn’t make it any less serious than if someone else did the very thing you’re doing to yourself, or if you did that to someone else.

So be brave and face your wrongs against yourself. It takes courage because you have to revisit what originally made you turn against yourself, and that’s a lot of uncertainty and fear and anger. Don’t settle for pathology. Believe in abundance. Ask Allaah to provide you what you sought in others but weren’t given. Don’t make the cracks you fell through a grave, but make it a rainforest and let the trees you plant carry you to the surface. Leave the rock bottom better than you found it. Do your heart better than what those who let you down did.

Manufacture your own hope. This is a chance for boundless love and imagination, now that you’re not limited to people who don’t see you or refuse to feel you. Good riddance. Now gather yourself back together and ask Allaah to rain down love and abundance on you. And rectify the faulty and toxic mindsets that led you to and left you in a loveless and merciless place.

May you be forgiven for the injustices you inflicted on yourself, and may you be forgiven for being an apathetic bystander as others did you wrong. Aamin.

Glory

The truth is not a resistance of what is. It’s not a feeling of doubt that creeps up on you regarding something you’re actively involved in. It’s a new tab that shows you a different, more evolved reality than the one you’re currently focused on. And then it’s up to you to choose which path you want to continue down. But it’s always clear and distinct, so don’t be fooled into doubting what you know or letting fear avert you from what you gravitate towards.

Pang of life

Me to me: why does it hurt when I give attention to my feelings?

Me to me : because you’re finally feeling parts of you that you used to ignore

Me: oh

Me: yup

Me to me: Is it worth it? Things seemed easier when I used to dissociate

Me to me : dissociating is like being homeless because you don’t want to deal with the possibility of being woken up by the sound of the fire alarm and the ensuing panic and chaos. Feeling is like learning to find the calm in every storm so that you don’t have avoid life and what naturally comes with it.

Me to me: you’re so wise

Me to me : thank the trauma

Me to trauma : thank you trauma

Trauma to me: don’t thank me, thank Allaah

Me to Allaah : thank You. Thank You for not giving up on me

Hermetically sealed safe space

May Allaah grant you the ability to see yourself the way He intended for you to see yourself : with love.


Because gratitude to Allaah remains incomplete when it’s from a self-erasing and self-hating and self-harming individual.

Allaah created you, your energy, the immense beauty that is blocked from your vision because of a demonic self-loathing. Anything demonic is whatever is fragmented and isolated from the cosmic light and abundance Allaah emanates and created in the world. And that’s what iblees intends : to fragment you so you could feel as miserable as he does. Although he has so much control and influence and near immortality, he’s a black hole of misery.

Energy can’t be procured through possession. It’s a divine gift. One that he’ll never have, so his entire strategy is to lure you away from the cohesiveness and wholeness you were created in and for. You don’t build wholeness. You remove whatever blocks your innate wholeness. Retrace your steps. Go back to how you were as a child. Simplify. Be still. Receive. Ask and be vulnerable with Allaah. Love.

Antemortem sonata

Self-love is what heals you on this journey
It’s what defies all odds
It’s what invites hope
It’s what transmutes the negativity in the world
It’s what maintains inner balance
It’s the space you retreat to from the hustle and bustle of the world
It’s what nurtures you in the void
It’s what guides your growth, ever so gently

It’s what sharpens the sword of your truth
It’s what polishes your heart, so abandoned
It’s what reminds you of why you’re toiling on this journey when you’re on the cusp of giving up
It’s your inherent worth, reimbursed for your journey to actualizing the self
It’s the blood that carries the nutrients and removes the toxins from your being

And just like the cardiovascular system is intricately irreplaceable, nothing can be done for the one who trashes their internal system for painful blood transfusions on the weekly.

All your energy goes towards making it to the blood transfusion , and one of these days you’ll die on your way there. Ya squandered a life because of lies you thought you were too insignificant to challenge.

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Aight, keep playing yourself like a violin and see if anyone will hear your despondent symphonies while you await burial .

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