I just realized that I’ve been playing a game of the floor is lava my whole life where the lava is the unknown and therefore bad, and I’d seek out the good outside. This meant that the rule was everything was bad and destructive and that I had to hunt down what would save and protect me.

Problem is… the lava is within so that meant a perpetual flight from my soul which was the lava simply because I couldn’t control or predict it. The basic rule was danger and control was your fortress. You’d have to amass as much control and leverage possible to prevent being undone by life.

In other words, I thought the divine will was against me, though not consciously. Yishhh

Wholesale lies at retail prices

Healing is received automatically through simply acknowledging the pain (though the path to getting there is anything but simple because it entails untangling a lot of untruths) and guidance is received automatically through accepting the ignorance or confusion unconditionally. That is, relinquishing the controlling narrative that we use to cover our shame and guilt, to manage ourselves in a highly image-obsessive culture.

This is as simple as expelling the deoxygenated air from your lungs; the oxygen is in unlimited supply, and will be drawn in through the inhaling motion of the lungs. The cosmos is abundant in that way. But if you block your need for oxygen for whatever reason, then you won’t be able to find oxygen. We often construct narratives about the dysfunctional world we grew up in, narratives about ourselves and others that helped us survive and remain sane. And we grow attached to these narratives, and dare I say deify them. We pool all our hopes into our controlling narrative, as we perceive it to be the only thing that separates and protects us from the unforgiving abyss of the unknown. So when our needs exceed the limits of the ego, which authors these narratives, it does everything to block our growth because we’ve been so indoctrinated with fear and lack and fall from grace that no one dares risk anything for the transcendental. The transcendental doesn’t even exist in our society. It’s all reductivist and materialist.

And so, the real struggle isn’t the realization of our fears and doubts but seeing through the lack of truth behind these propagandas. And trusting ourselves enough to go against the bulk of society is no easy feat, but a worthwhile one it is.

The worst people are…

Those who were once lost and disconnected from the divine and their own soul, but found God. Once they were gifted that stability, they thought the stability was a result of some mental gymnastics that they finally succeeded at, and they look to their past self, and all who resemble them, with disgust. To them, feeling lost is a sign of weakness and moral decay and finding God is a function of thinking right. They feel entitled to guidance and spiritual rewards by virtue of their commitment and sacrifice.

Those who were once depressed and suffering. Once their situation changed, they made depression and the feeling of powerlessness something to abhor and control. They lack empathy and understanding for anyone going through something similar and feel that there’s nothing else to it but to pull yourself up and strong-arm your way to wellness. They view the successful in life to be those least affected by emotional turbulence.

Those who once were destitute and poor, but got enriched. Now they view their wealth as strictly a matter of work ethics and a strong drive. They feel that poor people are weak and don’t deserve help because they aren’t trying hard enough.

All of these people are prime examples of how true change can’t come about without unconditional acceptance of whatever you’re tested with. They not only missed out on the benefits in their previous trials, but they have lost something greater ; their humanity. They are projecting on others and the world how they view their own self. They will be punished by their own harshness and will forfeit Allaah’s Mercy because they denied themselves and others that mercy.

فَإِذَا مَسَّ الْإِنسَانَ ضُرٌّ دَعَانَا ثُمَّ إِذَا خَوَّلْنَاهُ نِعْمَةً مِّنَّا قَالَ إِنَّمَا أُوتِيتُهُ عَلَىٰ عِلْمٍ بَلْ هِيَ فِتْنَةٌ وَلَكِنَّ أَكْثَرَهُمْ لَا يَعْلَمُونَ

When harm touches man, he calls to Us (for help), then when We have (rescued him from that harm and) changed it into a favour from Us, he says: “Only because of knowledge (that I possess) I obtained it.” Nay, it is only a trial, but most of them know not!

(Az-Zumar :49)

Wealth is no substitute for the truth

People caping hard for Kobe Bryant as if his case is that of a poor black man trampled on by the system, profiled. Nah, these black celebrities ought to be held up to greater standards and responsibility to reflect their power. It doesn’t matter when he raped that woman, how long ago it was, because he still did that. It’s symptomatic of someone with greater evils hidden and if he weren’t rich and famous, people wouldn’t defend him so fast. Black people live vicariously through these celebrities as they represent the chance of making it in a system that is built to always have poor and weak people exploited and used. The illusion of everyone can make it with some hard work is like getting a camel through the eye of a needle. We all know it’s not a system that rewards efforts and skills. And those elite who once were at the bottom, who know that life yet perpetuate the disillusionment to retain the status quo are a special kind of evil. Despicable people with a warped conscience and no empathy.

The truth can’t survive in those lowly and acidic environments of ego and narcissism. Liberation isn’t by any means necessary. It’s only through authentic transformation that there can be a lasting change. If it doesn’t last it’s because it wasn’t built on truth. You must trust that because that’s how you can find your way out of this maze. Even if others don’t, you still can!

When will we start to realize black celebrities are part of the elite? You think they represent us or are subject to the reality and constraints we are? They use our plight when they need us to rally behind them by thinking if they made it maybe we can too. But it’s not about making it into the demonic and evil circles. It’s about liberating all from such a cruel and unfair system. That was the ethos of Malcolm X, of the early hiphop heads.

The reason why everything is watered down in hiphop is because black people’s loyalty is bought and enticed by promises of riches. Black celebrities are the pied pipers because they know the reality behind those doors but they choose to be pawns in the game, a cog in the wheel in order to keep their status. Just know that when it’s all said and done, you’ll be remembered by your heart and your truth. It’ll eventually come out and it’ll rewrite everything written in falsehood. So when people get exposed, don’t be so quick to think it’s some conspiracy. God exposes people.

All I’m saying is, don’t think Kobe and Diddy and Hov relate to you. They are opportunists and have no empathy for the common people. And that’s how they manage to amass riches. You can’t have both your conscience and fame. That’s why those who try, lose their minds, like Kanye and Britney Spears and Whitney Houston. These celebrities who have breakdowns are actually those with some humanity left and they are getting poisoned by the toxicity in those circles. It’s not normal to be exposed to such soul sickness and not be fazed.

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