When truth is an afterthought

People who lose sight of your history and track record and blow an isolated incident out of proportion to project a convenient character deficiency or blame on you are the devil’s apprentices.

I don’t trust them, like them, want to breathe the same air as them. They are cancerous and the truth is collateral damage in their fight to preserve their egos. They’ll not only not own up to their faults and wrongdoings, they’ll punish you for holding them accountable.

قَالَ فَبِمَا أَغْوَيْتَنِي لَأَقْعُدَنَّ لَهُمْ صِرَاطَكَ الْمُسْتَقِيمَ

(Iblis) said: “Because You have sent me astray, surely I will sit in wait against them (human beings) on Your Straight Path.

[A’raaf:16]

Self-love=Narcissism?

 

My own self must be as much an object of my love as another person. The affirmation of one’s life,happiness,growth,freedom is rooted in one’s capacity to love, i.e., in care, respect, responsibility, and knowledge. If an individual is able to love productively, he loves himself too; if he can love only others, he cannot love at all. 
Granted that love for oneself and for others in principle is conjunctive, how do we explain selfishness, which obviously excludes any genuine concern for others? The selfish person is interested only in himself, wants everything for himself, feels no pleasure in giving, but only in taking. The world outside is looked at only from the standpoint of what he can get out of it; he lacks interest in the needs of others, and respect for their dignity and integrity. He can see nothing but himself; he judges everyone and everything from its usefulness to him;  he is basically unable to love. Does not this prove that concern for others and concern for oneself are unavoidable alternatives? This would be so if selfishness and self-love were identical. But that assumption is the very fallacy which has led to so many mistaken conclusions concerning our problem.

Selfishness and self-love, far from being identical, are actually opposites.

The selfish person does not love himself too much but too little; in fact he hates himself. This lack of fondness and care for himself, which is only one expression of his lack of productiveness, leaves him empty and frustrated. He is necessarily unhappy and anxiously concerned to snatch from life the satisfactions which he blocks himself from attaining. He seems to care too much for himself, but actually he only makes an unsuccessful attempt to cover up and compensate for his failure to care for his real self. 

It is true that selfish persons are incapable of loving others,but they are not capable of loving themselves either.

 


 

Fromm, Erich. “Self-love.” The Art of Loving. New York: Open Road Integrated Media, 1956. 64-65. E-book

The childhood that never was

 

I recently had a conversation with my mum. She was of the notion that she had ‘invested’ in me and expected a certain outcome. Said she, ” I raised you for 25 years and I am yet to see benefit”. Perplexed and stunned I asked her why she saw me, and my siblings, as investments in the stock market? She was the one blessed with children and the means to provide for us, so if she saw us as produce of her hard efforts then she’d feel entitled to certain outcomes. Unless I fulfilled that impossible image, I was a failure. I had to reach there in order for her to let out a sigh of relief and allow herself to look at me with an eye of satisfaction.

It quickly descended into a quibble and she asked rhetorically what there was about me to be grateful about? My attitude and lack of reverence? As if that’s all I was. She stormed out of the room and I felt like I was 8 again. She will never be pleased with me, I saw that now. I learnt very early on that love was conditional on my performance. I had to be nice enough,smart enough, neat enough.

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