Can he see you?

A man’s efforts to have you in his life stems from the vision he holds of you and your relationship, and that’s not something you can dictate or implant in him. You can’t make him accept what your vision is because that’s a mental concept, and for a bond to last it has to be heart-based. A connection forged from intellectual ideals and projections can’t surrender to love.

The right guy would be the one who Allaah inspires with a vision of a dynamic that supports and protects your highest good and potential. You can’t know what it is, nor can he. It’s truly a divine union and it’s something you’ll recognize when it happens. It’s something you’ll feel holistically in ways you never were aware of.

وَأَلَّفَ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِهِمْ لَوْ أَنفَقْتَ مَا فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ جَمِيعًا مَّآ أَلَّفْتَ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِهِمْ وَلَٰكِنَّ ٱللَّهَ أَلَّفَ بَيْنَهُمْ إِنَّهُۥ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ

And He has united their hearts. If you had spent all that is in the earth, you could not have united their hearts, but Allah has united them. Certainly He is All-Mighty, All-Wise.

[al-Anfaal:63]

You never had the might, wisdom or wherewithal to create a bond that will withstand time and turbulence. Only Allaah can, and to have it you have to surrender to that fact and not resist it by thinking you have control over such a complex destiny.

” All things that a man should be…”

Giuseppe Cristiano

 

A Woman’s Question

Do you know you have asked for the costliest thing
Ever made by the Hand above?
A woman’s heart, and a woman’s life—
And a woman’s wonderful love.

Do you know you have asked for this priceless thing
As a child might ask for a toy?
Demanding what others have died to win,
With a reckless dash of boy.

You have written my lesson of duty out,
Manlike, you have questioned me.
Now stand at the bars of my woman’s soul
Until I shall question thee.

You require your mutton shall always be hot,
Your socks and your shirt be whole;
I require your heart be true as God’s stars
And as pure as His heaven your soul.

You require a cook for your mutton and beef,
I require a far greater thing;
A seamstress you’re wanting for socks and shirts—
I look for a man and a king.

A king for the beautiful realm called Home,
And a man that his Maker, God,
Shall look upon as He did on the first
And say: “It is very good.”

I am fair and young, but the rose may fade
From this soft young cheek one day;
Will you love me then ‘mid the falling leaves,
As you did ‘mong the blossoms of May?

Is your heart an ocean so strong and true,
I may launch my all on its tide?
A loving woman finds heaven or hell
On the day she is made a bride.

I require all things that are grand and true,
All things that a man should be;
If you give this all, I would stake my life
To be all you demand of me.

If you cannot be this, a laundress and cook
You can hire and little to pay;
But a woman’s heart and a woman’s life
Are not to be won that way.”
— Joshua Harris (I Kissed Dating Goodbye: A New Attitude Toward Relationships and Romance)

Conquer

“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are but how you deal with incompatibility.”
— Leo Tolstoy

bridge

I don’t want to marry

“I don’t want to be married just to be married. I can’t think of anything lonelier than spending the rest of my life with someone I can’t talk to, or worse, someone I can’t be silent with.”

Mary Ann Shaffer

hopes_on_the_horizon

Escapist fiction: Marriage

Ever since I was 15 I wanted to get married. I was struck by the mystery marriage and romance entailed and like many I was spellbound. The whirlwind romance, good-feel fuzziness and the happy-ever-after denoted that beyond the threshold of marriage lay the elixir to all illnesses, answer to all questions, a void where happiness knew no bounds and where misery didn’t exist.

With the years I could discern a troublesome pattern that didn’t quite add up: everyone who got married, those who I knew crossed over, seemed more miserable than before. The hope seemed to have zapped from them, and before long it either ended in divorce or a burning fire that was soon abandoned to die down on its own. For years I tried to make sense of it because I wanted to cross over too, and I wanted those examples I saw to be exceptions. But , I couldn’t deny the fact that every situation I witnessed couldn’t be an exception, but rather the rule. I couldn’t consolidate this because a part of me was resisting and before too long I found myself in a cognitive dissonance stalemate that gnawed at me. Whenever I wanted to just take the plunge and jump in blindfolded, the battle inside resumed and I couldn’t ignore it.

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