Venez m’aider!Maelstrom of emotions.

I had a very traumatic episode this morning that revealed a big part of me that I’ve never noticed before. I had to take 2 Atarax pills before I could sit down to write this post, because I was still reeling from said trauma. Let me elaborate.

I’ve always had a vague sense that I was a creature of routine and systems, as an INFJ and a highly sensitive person (HSP). But it wasn’t something I could put into words or explain, it was just something I felt. Before I became comfortable in my own skin and learnt how to assert and defend my boundaries, my life was a complete mess ( more about that here). People couldn’t understand my feelings, heck I couldn’t even understand them, so my perfectionists tendencies coupled with my aversion for conflict had a disastrous effect on my mental and physical health. I was constantly agitated,anxious,sick,drained- I was numb and had to shut down to survive.

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Stupid genius

Low latent inhibition ( LLI) and highly sensitivity personality. Dear readers, I present to you these two bad boys that have me wired in a wholly different way than most. My nervous system is extra sensitive thus amplifies all sensory things; sound, touch ( pain), light, taste. Not only that, but the standard filter that the mind has in place to ferret out the countless information it takes in to only attend to those of interest or novelty -my mind is rebellious in that it takes in more data than it should. Let me demonstrate with an example:

When people see a wall clock, they usually do so fleetingly, only taking in any outstanding data that they haven’t seen before. This mechanism prevents sensory overload that would otherwise  have crippling effects on the mind in its’ efforts to both deal with all the excess data and make sense of it. Yours truly however does the opposite. I see the clock but I also see the part it is made of, its’ shape, colour, the hands. I wonder who made it and where. In short, I try to pry its’ entire history out of a glance.

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