I want

A love that survives and endures. A love that can weather through the storms of this world and isn’t drowned by the drenching rains that follow the evaporation of unspoken words. An ecosystem, not an echo chamber.

8 degrees of separation

Retain your calmness. Don’t abandon your post in this moment. War is raging outside and anyone not firmly grounded in the pillar of love extending through the breath of life will be snatched and snuffed.

Love is on the other side of pain

Pain is a disruption of emotional harmony (emotional balance). Resisting or repressing the pain adds more blockages and takes you farther away from internal homeostasis. The only way to dissolve this is by centering your focus in the heart through presence and relaxation, and the momentum of the flow of love that creates and upholds the homeostasis will return things to a balance. It’s an act of non-action which is so difficult to understand because it seems oversimplified and counterintuitive to what we know.

But it’s important to realize that love isn’t a human commodity. It’s divine providence and the only way to receive more is to feel more, because more feeling= a more open heart.

The void has ears

I can’t protect myself and I can’t advance myself. I can’t control my feelings or the feelings of others. This is the great existential threat that I have been tirelessly toiling against since my teens, trying to control and predict my world so that I could be safe. Of course, I didn’t want to cut straight to the chase and leave the whole simulation I was born into and conditioned to run on. I didn’t think I could survive that level of intense confrontation.

I didn’t know Allaah, intrinsically.

He’s protected me from annihilation even in the midst of extreme distress and trauma. He’s advanced my understanding by quantum leaps despite me not being in a state of mind where I could devote myself to studying.

And now I’ve come to the precipice of my existential battlefield and though I have no proof of what lies beyond, or if something lies beyond this for that matter, I have an intuitive feeling to go for what magnetizes me and not fear the doubts that crop up because my departure and my safe landing is but a creation of Allaah’s.

وَقَالَ ٱرْكَبُوا۟ فِيهَا بِسْمِ ٱللَّهِ مَجْر۪ىٰهَا وَمُرْسَىٰهَآ إِنَّ رَبِّى لَغَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ

And he [Nuh] said: “Embark therein, in the Name of Allah will be its moving course and its resting anchorage. Surely, my Lord is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”

[Hud:41]

It’s too dark to dream

I thought I was waiting for you to discover me when in fact I was waiting for myself to check in. As I closed the door on you in exasperation, I opened the door into myself. Colour me confused but I think I was waiting for you to find me so that I wouldn’t have to feel how it’s to be lost, on my own. I thought your love was hope.

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