It just hit me… the deep desire I have to be seen for who I am (by the person/s I love) isn’t to have my mind understood, but to have my emotions seen, visible, and welcomed no matter how intense and capricious it may appear. A soft landing space in the receptive heart of another.

Deep sigh. Yup, that’s it.

Across times

I ask Allaah for a hope in love that is robust and deeply ingrained in my heart. One that won’t budge in the face of the severest of hardships, one that won’t dim in the bleakest of outcomes. Hope in abundance, hope that leaves no room for cynicism, hope that is impervious to demonic efforts. A love that lights for those in need of light, warms those huddled in the cold, nourishes those who are starved in despair, and keeps me going on the path to Him, not veering off it for any fear or doubt. A love that imbues me with the nostalgia of Jannah, to which I’m traveling and hoping to arrive safe and sound, by the admission of al-Wadood, the Most Loving.

Love scented

You can’t will yourself into doing something. Whatever will you have is derived from the divine will which is love. It’s nothing we generate on our own or coerce ourselves into. Divine will is powerful because it compels us without forcing us. It’s gentle.

When we identify with our egos and think that we can make anything happen by sheer willpower, that’s arrogant because it’s predicated on a materialistic perspective where the divine doesn’t exist. The irony is that whatever we do end up doing is still by the divine will that we appropriate as our own, which is why we become abrasive towards ourselves; our humanity spites our attempts at vying with the divine. Though a goal may be reached it will be at a very high cost ; a callous heart, insensitivity, lack mentality, showing off, etc.

No goal is worth putting our hearts through the wringers for. When we’re down, we ask Allaah to lift us. When we’re heartbroken we hold space for Allaah’s Mercy to reach us. We don’t pretend that we don’t feel what we do or that we don’t need love. In a highly delusional and hypocritical world we can’t afford to lie to ourselves. We must uphold the truth of our souls because that’s all we need to find divine redemption.

Curtain call

My one and only duty is to protect the sacredness of my heart. Firstly from myself, and then from the world.

Death is selfish

I ask that these questions lead somewhere, that these efforts build something, that my sacrifices mean something, that my love affects someone. Was my presence true? Was it cathartic? Was it freeing? I imagine the angels of death will ask me those questions about my stay on earth. Did I care enough about others?

The caterpillar forgives

You can only thrive with people who see all of life through a lens of love, because only love heals and only love hopes and only love sees the good and the divine wisdom in everything.

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