Bullshit-pacifier & other confessions

Yesterday it hit me hard; I’m a bullshit-pacifier. I recovered from perfectionism and landed in the comfy zones between laziness and apathy thinking this was the healthy ideal; this was the moderation that’d relax my worn out mind. I shot down the cognitive dissonance that urged me to get moving and plastered my wounds with self-pity. I’m not going to deny that a part of me was seared and perfectionism singed and I was very wary of going back to the insane mindset that was all I knew growing up, however in doing that I swung the pendulum too far to the other side; apathy.

For some time I’ve questioned my inertia and tried to find out some deep and complex psychological explanation to get me revved up. But yesterday I realized that what  I was looking for was a security blanket to hold onto in the confusion that is my life and let the storm sort itself out or sum’n.Yesterday I realized I was a bullshit-pacifier and it felt like being doused with ice-cold water in my sleep.

The bittersweet epiphany was followed by this realization; if you don’t do what you can do, you won’t become who you wish to be.


Pandering laziness

1. I won’t order something online if my credit card is out of reach.

2.I’d call one of my siblings to close my bedroom door ( whaat?!they left it open!)

3.I’ll sleep to kill time.

4.If I can’t find my socks, I won’t go out.

5.I’ll stay hungry the entire day because I can’t be bothered to make myself something to eat.

6.I won’t read anything that isn’t amply paragraphed.

7. My honesty developed in my childhood because lying was too much of a bother to do.

8.If something takes more than 4 days to deliver, I won’t order it.

9.I only use make-up once in a blue moon because it’s too much of a bother to keep up. 

10. If it’s out of sight, I don’t need that shit.

11. My procrastination is advanced; I procrastinate in months and years. Others say they’d do something the next day or week; I tell myself there’s always another month or year.

12.I’m organized because I can’t be bothered looking for stuff.

13. 1 [major] accomplishment:2 weeks rest. For every huge thing I accomplish, I reward myself with weeks of basking in that shit. You know, stuff like calling someone back or taking a 5-minute walk.Huge stuff.

14. I write all my posts in one go without any prior planning. If I have to research or edit, I aint with that.At all.

15.I’ll call up my family members on their mobile phones just to tell them to come to my room ‘cuz I want to tell them something.Waah?The struggle is real yo


I got a ton more things to enumerate but I’m too lazy for that. Here, a picture.Look at it.or something.


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