a succinct life

A couple of days ago, I was struggling to settle with a theme for my blog that feels right for me, and I was frustrated that I couldn’t distinguish the superfluous from the essential. It then hit me that simplicity is a matter I, ironically, find very difficult and I began to ask myself why this was so? I felt that knowing why simplicity evaded me, would be a key stone in getting to know myself further. You know when you have a hunch but can’t put a finger on what it is exactly?

So, anyway, it just hit me; simplicity is focus. Simplicity is when you are unified in yourself. When you are grounded, and in touch with your intuition. Intuition is the filter of the soul. When we are tuned outwardly, our connection to our intuition weakens, which sets off a plethora of ailments like self-doubt, low self-esteem, a clueless,mechanical life void of warmth and passion.

It’s ironic how we take to excesses when we lack, and when we possess inward richness, we don’t need much. The true stuff in life is always unassuming, mellow. It creeps up on you. Serendipity. Love. Passion. It finds you when you find that inner focus.

I run away from my intuition because I don’t want to face the pain. So I take to excesses in everything to drown out that voice, to bury the sullen memory of who I am inside. I have 8 tabs open on Chrome now. I can’t be still, can’t be idle. Yet in all my busyness, I’m never actually doing much. My life is best represented by my coca-cola addiction; so full of pleasure, empty of substance. It’s not real pleasure when it’s followed by long-lasting pain. But I’ve mastered the art of self-deception.

Simplicity is knowing who you are, what you want, and going for that; nothing else. I’m tempted to keep on writing this post even though I’m done with what I had in mind , a force of habit. A reflection of the emptiness I feel inside. I fear I won’t be understood, that I won’t —

 

You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts.

khalil gibran

You, soulmate.

I realized something beautiful this morning. Epiphany, it’s called I believe. When something we’ve held in the compartments of our brains makes a connection with the heart/mind/soul. Epiphany.

I will not find my soul mate until I find *myself*. 

Ever since I was 15 or so, I’ve had this gnawing feeling that opposed the image of love presented to me by society. It was always loud and clear. It prevented me from the ‘comfort’ relationships people have because they are clueless and don’t want to be clueless alone. What grated my nerves the most wasn’t my highly idealistic standards, but that I could not understand what this feeling was telling me. By what principles was it operating on? How did it ferret out the people who weren’t congruent with me, instantaneously ?

I wanted to understand the intricate nature of my intuition so that I could at least know that it’s not my perfectionism or fear at work.

It came to me. I finally understood that feeling. My authentic self, my soul. It’s not until I strip it bare from all the false traits projected onto me since childhood, and clean the filters that I can truly know what I want. Most of the time I operate mindlessly, as if on auto pilot. I shirk away from certain things, and cling onto others. Why? Because of fear, guilt,shame, self-hate. All those times I felt despair,anger, hurt- it’s all locked inside me and it’s stifling my true self.

I realized why people grow apart. One person becomes privy to some inner thoughts of theirs and grows as a consequence. The other party remains

These quotes finally makes sense to me.

ℜumi

ℜ Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”

ℜThe minute I heard my first love story,
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.
Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.
They’re in each other all along.”

ℜ.A thousand half-loves must be forsaken to take one whole heart home.

ℜ. These pains you feel are messengers. Listen to them.

ℜ. The cure for pain is in the pain.

ℜ. Words are a pretext. It is the inner bond that draws one person to another, not words.

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Love descends upon our souls by the will of God and not by the demand or the plea of the individual.
— Khalil Gibran

“No human relation gives possession in another – every two souls are absolutely different. In friendship or in love,the two sides by sides raise hands together to find what one cannot reach alone.”
— Khalil Gibran

“When love beckons to you follow him, Though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth……

But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure, Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor, Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.

Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.”

But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love; And to bleed willingly and joyfully.”
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We accept the love we think we deserve.
— Stephen Chbosky (The Perks of Being a Wallflower)

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Why do you want to shut out of your life any uneasiness, any misery, any depression, since after all you don’t know what work these conditions are doing inside you? Why do you want to persecute yourself with the question of where all this is coming from and where it is going? Since you know, after all, that you are in the midst of transitions and you wished for nothing so much as to change. If there is anything unhealthy in your reactions, just bear in mind that sickness is the means by which an organism frees itself from what is alien; so one must simply help it to be sick, to have its whole sickness and to break out with it, since that is the way it gets better.
— Rainer Maria Rilke

It seems to me that almost all our sadnesses are moments of tension, which we feel as paralysis because we no longer hear our astonished emotions living. Because we are alone with the unfamiliar presence that has entered us; because everything we trust and are used to is for a moment taken away from us; because we stand in the midst of a transition where we cannot remain standing. That is why the sadness passes: the new presence inside us, the presence that has been added, has entered our heart, has gone into its innermost chamber and is no longer even there, – is already in our bloodstream. And we don’t know what it was. We could easily be made to believe that nothing happened, and yet we have changed, as a house that a guest has entered changes. We can’t say who has come, perhaps we will never know, but many signs indicate that the future enters us in this way in order to be transformed in us, long before it happens. And that is why it is so important to be solitary and attentive when one is sad: because the seemingly uneventful and motionless moment when our future steps into us is so much closer to life than that other loud and accidental point of time when it happens to us as if from outside. The quieter we are, the more patient and open we are in our sadnesses, the more deeply and serenely the new presence can enter us, and the more we can make it our own, the more it becomes our fate.
Rainer Maria Rilke

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Midnight confession [II]

When I find myself in the familiar swamps of everything unsavory, I let the sages of old speak to me and use their insights to reel myself back in. Below, I’ve gathered a snippet of such insights that you, the reader, may find solace in an hour of need.


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Sunrise

“It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations.”

 Khalil Gibran

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