Avoidance is a type of hiding

This video made me realize how deeply men hide. They hide behind tattoos, bodysculpting, gangs, violence, misleading words, humour, allegiances, prejudices, etc.

Women often demand that men be more transparent, communicate better, be more honest, vulnerable, etc. But I wonder how much of that is really genuine, and how much of it is rooted in a desire to not bear the burden of the thoughts that get triggered when faced with uncertainty? I’d surmise almost all of it is selfish.

Before you ask a man to show up as his true self, make sure you have the ability to create a space free of expectations, projections, your own fears and insecurities etc. Make sure it’s not a suit or a mould he’s stepping into. A role you want him to play so that you won’t have to deal with the thoughts that terrorize you in your solitude.

And take the time to differentiate and be honest with yourself about it. When we believe that others have what we’re deficient in, we place an unnecessary burden on them. A burden of entitlement and desperation. A desperation to flee the harsh atmosphere created by self-hating and self-erasing thoughts.

Warriors wage peace

Professor Pitt is a thirty-two-year-old African American filmmaker who created a trilogy on the theme of “Kung Fu Meets Hip Hop” called “The Hip Hop Dynasty” and “Hip Hop Dynasty Parts II and III.” He is also a rap artist and practitioner of martial arts, and for Pitt, warriorhood is a particularly special and important concept, in both his life and work.

FOX: You use the term “warrior”
frequently. When did you first pick up on that term?

PITT: From training in martial arts. But with meditation it is even more of a reference — of being still, of fighting voices in one’s head that are irritating me. Or like when meditating, when you get an itch in your nose, you are not supposed to scratch it or move and that decision not to go after the itch is being a warrior, is fighting the physical urge to do that. Usually when I meditate, as soon as you commit to meditating, it’s bam, in the back of your head, or bam, your foot starts throbbing. That’s the warrior fight. I got this from my teachers of martial arts and meditation.

FOX: Give me examples of what you call the “warrior fight.”

PITT: For me the warrior fight first begins with overcoming yourself and your own demons, your own stuff, which is the hardest. It means to keep going in training, which is fighting yourself. And then externally the true warrior’s fight is not to fight physically or to engage in any kind of fight unless it is the last resort. Me, being African American, you run into many situa-tions where people are pushing you to come out physically. For me that’s one of the fights — to not come out physically, because once we come out physically, everything is already designed to destroy us. We’ve given them a reason to do what they love doing — locking us up and giving us charges, labeling me in spite of what I do for humanity and the community. The minute I jump into that fighting character all the good stuff I do gets wasted, and they just look and say: “There’s that animal again.” So that is a big fight with me.

A warrior is being a good man to my wife, ‘cause that’s always a struggle, the man and woman thing, how to be graceful in how the stuff comes out, to be as graceful as possible.

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