Feminism= Attack on men?

​When asked to comment on perceptions of the feminist movement as “an open, violent fight against men,” 
Fromm answers:
” One cannot understand the psychology of women, and for that matter the psychology of men, and one cannot undrstand the element of sadism, of hostility and destructiveness in men and women if one does not consider that there has been a war between the sexes going on in the last six thousand years. This war is a guerrila war. Women have been defeated by patriarchalism six thousand years ago and society has been built upon the domination of men. Women were possessions and had to be grateful for every new concession that men made to them. But there is no domination of one part of mankind over another, of a social class, of a nation or of a sex over another, unless there is underneath rebellion, fury, hate and wish for revenge in those who are oppressed and exploited and fear and insecurity in those who do the exploiting and repressing
[…]

“Women have been so thoroughly oppressed that they have accepted unconsciously the role that the ruling sex, man, gave to them. 

They have even believed in male propaganda, which is very much the same as the propaganda in other wars, wars against colonial people, etc. Women have been considered to be naive: 
Freud said that they were narcissistic, unrealistic, cowardly, inferior to man anatomically, intellectually, morally. 

The fact is that women are less narcissistic than men, for the simple reason that there is almost nothing that man does which has not some purpose of making an impression. 
Women do many, many things without this motive and in fact what you might call women’s vanity is only the necessity to please the victors.
As far as the lack of realism in women is concerned, what should we say about male realism in an epoch in which all western governments, consisting of men, are spending their money building atomic bombs, instead of taking care of threatening famine, instead of avoiding the catastrophes which threaten the whole world…” 
― Erich Fromm , interview from 1975

source:  http://www.uta.edu/huma/illuminations/kell8.htm

Steady rock

Self-love is such a misunderstood concept. I’m able to digest Ph.D level material in no time, but things to do with my own self? My mind goes blank. I’ve been trying to wrap my mind around the concept of self-love for years, and it’s been like explaining Facebook to a Somali nomad in 1820! 
Partly because I’ve been conditioned to equate self-love with selfishness, but mostly because only parts of me were celebrated and encouraged, whilst others were shunned and discouraged. While my intellectual side was given free reign, my emotional side (which is bigger than my intellect) was relegated to the shadows. And what is suppressed and relegated to the subconscious grows disgruntled and toxic. Much like how a person marginalized and silenced would react. 

I did everything right:I studied, I developed an iron will, I drank my milk, I obeyed, I stayed out of trouble, I prayed my salawaat, I was polite, I was positive. But each construct I built was undermined by my suppressed side. 

I hated it. I hated my guts. I was weak weak weak for not being able to stifle that emotional side. Why did I have to feel when others seemed to have no issues with their emotional side? 

Emotions are the balm and oils to the soul. It’s what protects us from friction when we interact with the world. It’s what soothes our aching hearts. It’s what allows us to love and be creative. It’s the thermometer and litmus test of souls. It’s the wind in our sail, the pillar in our home, the anchor. 

Self-love then is seeing one’s self in its entirety, without cutting parts out, without blurring parts. It’s accepting oneself unconditionally and understanding that souls only grow when their lamentations are heard. Hearts recover when their pain is validated. Self-love is like watering a plant; it’s giving oneself what one needs without imposing on it what the world – or one’s intellect- thinks it needs. A plant will let you know when it needs more water, it’ll let you know when it’s wilting, when it’s crooked and needs support growing. You just have to give it space and trust that in the absence of your control, it knows how to grow.

In the absence of self-love, the heart seeks its balm through unhealthy channels like codependent love, substance abuse,comfort eating, status obsession. A person who hasn’t been listened to can’t hear others. A person who shuns parts of themselves will shun parts of others. A person who hates themselves for what they see as weakness will mock others who show emotions. 

The truth and reality of this world is this: You can’t give goodness, wholesome and unconditional goodness, to the world if you haven’t given it to your self. You can’t fight and help bring down evil in  the world if you haven’t fought the evil in yourself. And the evil in yourself isn’t fought through silencing, but through shining the light of self-awareness and self-acceptance on your darkness. You can’t reconcile between people in earnest if you haven’t reconciled between your broken parts. You can’t discover in the world what you haven’t discovered through your own soul. 
Once you go through that journey, you’ll realize that the world and everyone in it are cut from the same cloth. You’ll know others the way you know yourself because just like beneath the superficial differences in skin colour and hair texture, runs crimson red blood, lies skeleton, beats a heart. Beneath our life stories and emotional makeup lies the same core that seeks growth and awareness and love. Unless that core becomes malignant, in which case it needs to be fended off by other healthy cores.

“ Selfishness is not identical with self-love but with its very opposite.

Selfishness is one kind of greediness. Like all greediness, it contains an insatiability, as a consequence of which there is never any real satisfaction. Greed is a bottomless pit which exhausts the person in an endless effort to satisfy the need without ever reaching satisfaction.

Close observation shows that while the selfish person is always anxiously concerned with himself, he is never satisfied, is always restless, always driven by the fear of not getting enough, of missing something, of being deprived of something. He is filled with burning envy of anyone who might have more.

If we observe closer still, especially the unconscious dynamics, we find that this type of person is basically not fond of himself, but deeply dislikes himself.
Selfishness is rooted in this very lack of fondness for oneself. 
The same holds true with the so-called narcissistic person, who is not so much concerned with getting things for himself as with admiring himself.

While on the surface it seems that these persons are very much in love with themselves, they are actually not fond of themselves, and their narcissism – like selfishness – is an overcompensation for the basic lack of self-love.”

– Erich Fromm, Escape from Freedom

Police brutality

Originally written June 13th, 2015
Just finished watching End of Watch and lemme tell you something. That shit is fucked up. I fully understood something that I had faint notions about. This fucking police brutality, it’s not as black and white as people make it out to be. It doesn’t happen in vacuum. It’s an ecosystem of extreme violence created by capitalism that reduced humans to automatons on a fucking assembly line.

Continue Reading

A year in epiphanies

This year has seen me in an exponential growth and learning curve. Below are some of the things that have helped me, kept me company, distracted me from moments of intense pain ( growth is always painful initially). In no particular order:

Books

Heart of the soul: emotional awareness – Gary Zukav
The Mind of the soul: Responsible Choice – Gary Zukav, Linda Francis
The Law of Divine compensation – Marianne Williamson
We- understanding the psychology of romantic love – Robert A. Johnson
Too big to know – David Weinberger
The Intuitive Way: the definitive guide to increasing your awareness –  Penney Peirce
Thawing:  adult/child syndrome and other codependent patterns – Don Carter
Frequency: The power of personal vibration – Penney Peirce
The Art of Loving – Erich Fromm
Creativity – Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Enchanted love – Marianne Williamson
A Return to Love – Marianne Williamson
Daring Greatly – Brene Brown
Man’s Search for Himself – Rollo May

People

Erich Fromm
Marianne Williamson
Brene Brown
Anais Nin
C.G. Jung
Beyonce
Wendy Williams
Gary Zukav
Rainer Maria Rilke
Rollo May
Carl Rogers
Jon Stewart

websites

Calm down mind
Brain Pickings
Hot 97 YT channel
TED
Scribd
Quora
Reddit
Spotify
Good reads
Pinterest
Psychology Today
FB

 

Concepts

Law of attraction [ Abraham Hicks]
Jungian psychology [ C.G. Jung]
Growth v. fixed mindset [ Carol Dweck]
Chakra
Ego death
Dark night of the soul
Technical writing
Copywriting
Engineering
Asperger’s
Information research
Healing inner child
Quantum physics
Simplicity
Spirituality
Creativity
Anthropology
Cultural psychology
Prejudice/bigotry/hatred
World structure/order
Codependency
Assertiveness
Critical thinking
Third kid culture
MBTI (in-depth)
Independent research
Philanthropy
Emotional sensitivity
Hero’s Journey (monomyth)
Design thinking
Social innovation
Social entrepreneurship
Theory of positive disintegration
Enlightenment
Resilience
Unconditional love

Songs

Novacane – Frank Ocean
Queen’s speech (prt. 4) – Lady Leshurr
Paint it black – Ciara
Roots- Imagine Dragons
Rose gold – Pentatonix
Here- Alessia Cara
Back to back – Alphacat (parody)
I took a pill in Ibiza ( SeeB remix) –  Mike Posner
I hate u I love U – Gnash, ft. Olivia O’Brien
Runaway – Kanye West
BBHMM- Rihanna
7/11- Beyonce
Partition- Beyonce
Grown woman- Beyonce
UP- B.O.B
Dance like We’re Making Love – Ciara
Eyes Shut – Years & Years
Mays Aroosna – Fuaad Cumar
Degmo – King Khalid
Adkeyso – Axzaab Osmaan
Boqol Sano – Axmed Rasta

Ideas and dreams conjured ( but not realized)

Creating a think tank
Going to somalia to travel cross-country
Start an online mag
Youtube channel
Travel to: Dubai
the US
Canada
Kenya
Denmark
Leicester
Au Pairing in the US
Journalism
Start an NGO
Become a freelance project coordinator
love
Online business

Major breakthroughs/milestones:

Went outside for the first time in 8 months [in May]
Overcame agoraphobia
Overcame social anxiety
Travelled to another country [ Norway, UK]
Fell in love
fell in pain
faced pain
Let go of love
Lost 50 pounds
Went off antidepressants
Freelancing (writing, translating)
Internship
Tutoring, assisting postgrads (!)
Significant improvement in distress tolerance
Becoming more public with my writings
Practicing understanding and compassion in most situations
Practicing mindfulness and vulnerability
Record number of apologies issued
Record number of uncomfortable conversations initiated that lead to phenomenal growth
Walked away from whatever didn’t serve me love

Whilst the world is on hold

For nearly a week now I’ve been off facebook to regain my focus. I felt my energy was scattered all over, and that I had neglected myself. In the time since, I’ve been in a near-constant state of flow where time and space ceased to be. I’ve been devouring books in ways I haven’t in over a decade. Below are some of the books I’ve read (either entirely or partially) this past week:

 

No more posts.