I feel like I’m awaiting execution

I’ve never been gripped by fear in this way. Mum ambushed me with a secretive plan of hers that she’s had for months, which she demanded I comply with- threatened me in fact. And I effectively signed my death wish when I made up my mind that come hell or high water, I would not give into this. I’ve never provoked her in this way, so brazen and direct. I didn’t know that I feared her this much, nor did I know how brave I really am. I spent the past 48 hours alert, with tensed muscles, clenched jaws, adrenaline rush- I knew she’d pull all stops in her scary manipulative antics and it was going to be really bad before it would be good. I ran through the possible worst-case scenarios and what I would do in each. I was ready to die for this, although I knew the fear-mongering was a bluff that no one has called her on because no one has ever dared. Before me that is. When she speaks about how people fear her and her overwhelming methods in getting her ways, she does so with a smirk that suggests that she is proud of this.

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