SHARDS OF IMAGINATIONS
INFJs are notorious for being at odds with carrying out tasks that have no intrinsic value to them. The fibres of their world is made up of values and heartfelt meanings, so anything outside this scope , they are unable to pursue. Not knowing this made my life so miserable, I felt like a zombie. In school, I would always leave assignments and revision for exams for the last possible minute, whilst being engrossed in books. I wished I could just be at home reading books! In class I would usually replay chapters from the latest book I was reading and wondering whether the book I ordered in the library had come yet. That’s where my heart lay, not irrelevant facts that did nothing for me. But being pushed on my parents and society, I thought there was something inherently wrong with me. Though I would always get top grades, school was incredibly boring for me. It wasn’t until late last year when I realized that I couldn’t spend 2 more years in university when I counted down the days like a prison sentence. I used to replicate my primary school antics and would wait until 12 hours before deadline when I would finish the assignment at a superhuman speed. I would berate myself and swear to change my ways, but when I get back my assignment with a top grade, I think ‘what’s the point if I get good grades?’ . It dawned on me that I was trying to fit myself into a system that wasn’t made for me. I’m driven by a deep curiosity that I can’t contain nor control. If I try to ignore it or regulate it, I end up so utterly torn apart by the mental anguish simmering under the surface that I fail to see point in living and end up becoming suicidal.