Inthrough you

I had a dream, many years ago, in which I was back at my old school (Islamic) in between a group of 3 religious sisters wearing niqaab, and 4 brothers wearing khamiis. Before us, at a distance was a block of rocky hills that were quite steep. My eye caught something, someone, camouflaged very well in the middle of the rocks, with its side facing us. I realized it was Iblees. Just as I was about to raise alarm, he broke free from the camouflage, swiveled forward and started breaking off chunks of the hills to throw at us. I told the groups to start running but to keep close to me. I was reading Qur’aan, perhaps aayatul kursi, and it created a protective field of light around us as we ran. For some reason, the field was only emanating from me.

I remember this dream as I had a realization that evil is stagnant and exerts its influence through being hidden and not alerting people to its true source. Awareness can’t be contained and power is static. That’s why manipulation and mind control are tools used by these forces. They induce trauma to shut the person down so that they can’t move in a cohesive manner. They trigger the amygdala, which is the offswitch of the human brain because it hijacks the rest of the brain and in particular, the frontal lobe which houses impulse control, future planning (executive functions) sequencing and comparing, attention, speech, memory formation, analyzing feelings of others.

I speculate that the frontal lobe is the masculine energy and the amygdala (arousal, memory, hormone secretion, emotional response) is the feminine. When the feminine is triggered, the masculine is hijacked and made inept.

Perhaps the two groups represented the masculine and feminine energies of my psyche and that through balancing them and leading them, the demonic attacks would be harmless.

In heat

Your future lies in the womb of your present. Focus on what you can do NOW. Or that future will turn out to be a ghost pregnancy.

When you wish to change, don’t think about the stuff you don’t want. Your focus is a creative force, so it’s about directing your focus on things you want more of.

Continue Reading

the waiting game 

»You’re being taught by Allaah

»Lessons are always streaming in

» You’re always on time. You can’t speed up or skip a lesson.

» You can only turn it down or let it in. Your progress is in accordance with how much you venture into the infinite space of the soul.

»Everything that you experience is transforming you into the person you were created to be. The person that you’ve been longing to become all your life.

» Your mind has no way of knowing how this chaos and confusion could culminate in anything good. Your mind is demanding reasons as to why it should trust intuition. Don’t listen to it. Let its nagging fall on deaf ears. Feel the fearful and negative energy that your mind is desperately trying to shield you from, thinking it’s danger. Know that it’s not danger. Know that those feelings that bubble up are old emotional blocks and that they are fleeting. Know that you’re stronger than any pain and you’re worth every bit of this tedious task of unfolding.

» Embrace the silence. Imagine that you’re an overworked mother who needs a break from her whiny 7 year old. Close the door on your mind and rest in the cavern of your consciousness.
»You have a lot of outrageously good dreams,and ideas that keep you up at night and wistful longings that sear into your gut. But, again, your mind. It doesn’t know the ‘how‘. It tries to talk you out of it. It’s not malicious, it’s just that it’s been guarding you all your life and leaving the nest is going to be less than seamless. A lot of the how exist in the unknown and to ensure that you keep the momentum going, you have to have faith. Faith is simply a trust in something that you don’t have proof for. Faith is being vulnerable with life.

»When you imagine having kids, do you ever think: how am I suppose to create a living breathing human who is a mix of me and my spouse’s genes? Is there a course for creating the brain, from scratch? The soul? The heart? How do you program the fetus so it knows that eviction date is at 9 months?

» Of course you don’t. That’s stuff you assume just happens because you take it for granted. But that shit is bonkers if you think about it! An complete snd complex human being with a personality and instincts hitting the ground running when a year ago they did not exist at all! We don’t think about that stuff. That’s the ‘how’ of life. The same ‘how’ that keeps you from your dreams. You were never supposed to do this on your own. You’re not meant to carry all that weight.

»The void between where you are and where you want to be is the incubation period where you transform into your dreams. Don’t abort your dreams.

{It’s going to be ok. Take a deep breath, and don’t be swept away. Don’t let a temporary wave drown everything you are and have endured.

You’re going to be ok.♥

Unconditional dreams

image

Dreams aren’t meant to make you feel good. You’re meant to make dreams come true because you feel good.

           

Avant-garde

I was inspired to write this after reading Flickering Lights blog  on the issue of doubt and anti-theism. I had been brooding over this for some time, but hers was the straw. Check her blog out by the way, beautiful stuff.


 

As today’s society has shifted from a religious trajectory to a secular one, it’s caused so much confusion that in pure terror, people find it easier to reject religion altogether than sift through it all. In reality, it’s moving to the other extreme of the spectrum because finding your truth is a lifelong journey and isn’t limited to spirituality. This journey is unsettling because it entails change,uncertainty,doubts and painful emotions. In the face of this, it’s easier to take to anti-theism and say there is no uncertainty. Faith is essentially uncertain; anything abstract can’t be empirically verified and is up for individual study. Whether it be worldview,self-esteem or life philosophy, nothing is set in stone.

When people ask for hard-set proof of a deity, they are looking for the answer without pondering the question. Life is not about answers; imagine if you now were told who’d you will marry, how many kids you will have, what vocation you will end up in and when you’ll die- how dull would it be? It’s the element of uncertainty that life’s essence is contained within. It is when you don’t know for sure that you mull over something and have to make a choice.

The underlying motive of the growing inclination towards anti-theism can be observed in other walks of life; the education system,politics,relationships,jobs, to mention a few.

People flock to dodgy self-help gurus to get the formula for a consistent and ‘happy’ life. One where they won’t have to deal with terrible bouts of gray areas. We’re told that we must take to the traditional educational system in order to attain ‘stability’. Cast dreams and hobbies aside, for those are uncertain and there’s the risk of failure. Google ‘dating advice’ and you’ll find it awash with countless articles and blogs that are in essence imparting on the reader a technique in manipulating the opposite gender into falling for one. Rarely do you see people espousing the outrageous idea to be oneself, for that couldn’t possibly garner the status of being a sex symbol. Being vulnerable is a naive idea that is far too risky to dabble in. Besides, who is the individual divorced from the crowd?

We are stuck in a hamster wheel of society-endorsed drudgery and emotional slavery. We want out; we want to travel around the world,become carpenters and writers,throw our masks in the air and stand in our naked personalities. We want to awake each morn raring to get started and come back each evening with an experience. We don’t want a Monday to Friday schedule to replace our lives. We don’t want to study 3-4 years in university to end up fighting for jobs alongside high school drop-outs who have 4 years of work experience as leverage over us.

We don’t want this, but then again, what do we want? It’s in this question that contains the fear,uncertainty,avant-garde that has us clinging to drudgery,because at least it’s socially acceptable. It’s stable. Everyone does it, and everyone’s miserable together.

No two days are the same, even though they all follow the same dynamics; dawn,noon,evening,night. But what separates today from yesterday isn’t the arbitrary weekdays assigned to them, but it’s the unscripted experiences we encounter within them. Likewise, no two people are the same; don’t let anyone pigeonhole you to a tiny nook where you have to huddle up to be as inconspicuous as possible. Don’t let anyone mock your emotions and don’t let anyone instill their fears in you.

You were born with a soul that has in it everything you need; learn to listen to it, to your heart. Risk the fear and pain because those are the only bridges to bravery and tranquillity. Follow the trails of questions in your mind and don’t expect people to understand you,because they don’t even understand themselves.

Live before you die.

oxytocin overdose

SHARDS OF  IMAGINATIONS

〈FICTIONAL TRUTH〉

marisa-lerin-ornaments-19-template-embellishment-shape-commercial-use-copy


 

It must have been a little over a week, but she’s been in a trance-like state where her otherwise acute perception of time had been reduced to a vague background noise. The more she struggled with this feeling that had effectively invaded her heart and taken it hostage, it only grew in intensity and depth. Ironic as it is that her penetrating insight that had never failed her, she wished this feeling was a mere miscalculation, one of starry-eyed fantasizing and naïvety. How ironic that in the past when the same insight detected discrepancies in men she was infatuated with and consequentially discredit their person, she struggle hard to blind herself to this acute awareness and tried to imagine love where it never existed. Her insight had never failed her, but it had never followed her desires either. It was her unbiased comrade, one who wouldn’t budge from the truth no matter how sour it is.

So now, when it had finally located the one she’s been looking for all along, she wants to turn back. Not because she doesn’t want him. She does. More than anything. But how do you explain or rationalize this strange occurrence? How do you explain to someone that you know them as deeply as you know yourself, because your souls are intertwined? How do you tell someone that this feeling that has invaded you, hasn’t invaded in reality, but it has been merely discovered, as it had lay dormant waiting for him. It wasn’t infatuation. She dreaded the implications of what she was feeling, even though her observations and conclusions had never been wrong. How do you tell someone all of this without sounding mentally unstable? That you love them. Not the bubble-gum love in cheesy chick flicks where the girl falls for the guy’s looks or popularity or simply what he could offer her. No, this feeling transpired the tangible. It wasn’t a selfish feeling, it didn’t have a sense of urgency that one is overcome with when one craves pizza or is turned on by an attractive person. It was still and deep. She had a deep care for his wellbeing and was willing to do anything for him even if it proved detrimental to her being.

The kind Welsh boy with the big brown puppy eyes which lent a glimpse into his soul for the one who cared to look. She knew the stories he hadn’t told her yet and his deepest fears. She could peer behind the smoke screen of what was apparent and see what was hidden. She knew all of this because by looking into his soul she was looking into hers.

Continue Reading

Intrinsic motivation

INFJs are notorious for being at odds with carrying out tasks that have no intrinsic value to them. The fibres of their world is made up of values and heartfelt meanings, so anything outside this scope , they are unable to pursue. Not knowing this made my life so miserable, I felt like a zombie. In school, I would always leave assignments and revision for exams for the last possible minute, whilst being engrossed in books. I wished I could just be at home reading books! In class I would usually replay chapters from the latest book I was reading and wondering whether the book I ordered in the library had come yet. That’s where my heart lay, not irrelevant facts that did nothing for me. But being pushed on my parents and society, I thought there was something inherently wrong with me. Though I would always get top grades, school was incredibly boring for me. It wasn’t until late last year when I realized that I couldn’t spend 2 more years in university when I counted down the days  like a prison sentence. I used to replicate my primary school antics and would wait until 12 hours before deadline when I would finish the assignment at a superhuman speed. I would berate myself and swear to change my ways, but when I get back my assignment with a top grade, I think ‘what’s the point if I get good grades?’ . It dawned on me that I was trying to fit myself into a system that wasn’t made for me. I’m driven by a deep curiosity that I can’t contain nor control. If I try to ignore it or regulate it, I end up so utterly torn apart by the mental anguish simmering under the surface that I fail to see point in living and end up becoming suicidal.

Continue Reading

No more posts.