You can’t create infinity

Give the people in your life ample space to be whatever they are and wherever they are atm. Let them express disapproval over something you did and don’t internalize it. It’s theirs, not yours. Let them feel uncertain, don’t rush to cushion the gap with reassurances. It’s theirs, not yours. Let them have blank expressions and resist the urge to project your narratives on it. It’s theirs, not yours.

Make it easy for those who want to leave your life to do so. It’s yours, not theirs.

 

Spaceship

Centering my emotional comfort over making others comfortable is such a strange and alien concept that I’ll have to get used to…

2:13 am

It’s raining. I ask Allaah to wash away like the rain is washing down the earth, everything in me, every image and concept that undermines my evolution. Everything that demands I measure up to a preset template in order to be deemed ok. Everything that contradicts the natural flow. Everything that resists the divine will. Everything that holds my body in tension.

It’s pouring now. Divine showers. May my body be cleansed like the earth is.

Don’t expect to be impressed

Don’t be impressed by how I do things because I will disappoint you so hard. Don’t love me for how I make you feel because I will fail you, my words – shrapnels from self-inflicted wounds – will bruise you. Don’t follow me for the clarity I give you because most days I’m slumped in a confused cloud of self-hate.

I really don’t know what I’m doing. All I know is to try, and the rest is Allaah’s grace and extreme generosity.

Can he see you?

A man’s efforts to have you in his life stems from the vision he holds of you and your relationship, and that’s not something you can dictate or implant in him. You can’t make him accept what your vision is because that’s a mental concept, and for a bond to last it has to be heart-based. A connection forged from intellectual ideals and projections can’t surrender to love.

The right guy would be the one who Allaah inspires with a vision of a dynamic that supports and protects your highest good and potential. You can’t know what it is, nor can he. It’s truly a divine union and it’s something you’ll recognize when it happens. It’s something you’ll feel holistically in ways you never were aware of.

وَأَلَّفَ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِهِمْ لَوْ أَنفَقْتَ مَا فِى ٱلْأَرْضِ جَمِيعًا مَّآ أَلَّفْتَ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِهِمْ وَلَٰكِنَّ ٱللَّهَ أَلَّفَ بَيْنَهُمْ إِنَّهُۥ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ

And He has united their hearts. If you had spent all that is in the earth, you could not have united their hearts, but Allah has united them. Certainly He is All-Mighty, All-Wise.

[al-Anfaal:63]

You never had the might, wisdom or wherewithal to create a bond that will withstand time and turbulence. Only Allaah can, and to have it you have to surrender to that fact and not resist it by thinking you have control over such a complex destiny.

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