Asking Allaah to release me from finding fulfillment in meeting other’s expectations.
It’s not my task to make people feel comfortable with the truth I perceive, nor is it my task to change what I perceive into something more appeasing for others. It’s such a relief to write this out because disappointment has been the bane of my existence and I’ve taken it upon myself to shield people from the uncomfortable truth because that’s what they were demanding I do. And that set me back so much and kept me stuck because my forte is to see, not change the look of reality to make things more comfortable.
Creativity helps bring out the moon and the stars in the darkness of the world. The darkness is benevolent and meant to lull you into a restful sleep. It’s just that tricksters and those with poor conscience take cover in the night, taking advantage of it.
It takes a whole lot of creativity to find a way out of vicious cycles of toxicity; it’s called healing. Life’s too beautiful and Allaah is too amazing to let the limited evil loom large enough to cover your horizon. Nothing is worth losing sight of a clear coast.
I don’t know what tomorrow will reveal to me about the world. I don’t know what new side will dawn in me in the morning. I don’t know what divine graces will make me remember existential safety and how that felt before I came here. I don’t know and I’ll rest in that liminal space. I surrender to Allaah and trust Him that He’ll come through where I don’t know, where I can’t do, where I’m not.
I ask Allaah for a hope in love that is robust and deeply ingrained in my heart. One that won’t budge in the face of the severest of hardships, one that won’t dim in the bleakest of outcomes. Hope in abundance, hope that leaves no room for cynicism, hope that is impervious to demonic efforts. A love that lights for those in need of light, warms those huddled in the cold, nourishes those who are starved in despair, and keeps me going on the path to Him, not veering off it for any fear or doubt. A love that imbues me with the nostalgia of Jannah, to which I’m traveling and hoping to arrive safe and sound, by the admission of al-Wadood, the Most Loving.