I’m pain’s protégé and I learn quick. I have no time to waste wishing life would be different. I exhausted all my wishes until they became death wishes, and even those didn’t get answered. So.
Before you attempt to change what you see, change the way you perceive your feelings towards the outside world. Often, we externalize an inner resistance or conflict because it seems easier to tackle a problem that’s concrete and malleable, than to delve inwards. We think that if we change the circumstances that make us feel uncomfortable, insecure or unsafe then those feelings will automatically dissolve. But what we find is that we simply move into a new house with our old stuff, recreating the scenarios every time.
قُلْ إِنِّي لَن يُجِيرَنِي مِنَ اللَّهِ أَحَدٌ وَلَنْ أَجِدَ مِن دُونِهِ مُلْتَحَدًا
Say, “Indeed, there will never protect me from Allah anyone [if I should disobey], nor will I find in other than Him a refuge.
What people call love is often an unconscious quest for power.
– Marion Woodman, Confronting Death Mother : an interview with Marion Woodman
I was made to ask questions and be a witnessing student to the unfoldment of answers.
But society demands I be a student to the questions and that I duly look for their answers.
I’m sorry sir but I can’t play pretend with you acting divine and yet your perspective is so… unrefined.
We create with emotions and when we are disconnected from certain emotions we erroneously think up scenarios and goals we can pursue that could produce those feelings. For instance, we feel disconnected from abundance or stillness, so we think if we buy luxurious things or declutter or read books that teach us that, we’ll end up accessing those emotions but that’s false. That’s why people pour so much into dreams and careers that they end up feeling unfulfilled from. Action or thought can’t reconnect you to a lost feeling.
So much in the world goes wrong when we apply the same analytical and predictable methods we use in scientific approaches, because we warp and distort what we mistakenly assume is broken. A disconnection in feeling entails a mental block that disrupts the internal flow of clarity. This is either by cognitive dissonance where an internal value clashes with the world view we’ve come to adopt externally, or a resistance to the consequences of embodying those feelings. So the issue isn’t the feeling but the unaccounted for and hitherto unknown mental factor that puts a spoke in the wheel of holistic (well)being.
Are we taught this? No. Why? Because we overvalue and overestimate the known and possessed, so much so that we are willing to give up emotional freedom for a bit of control. But what you control limits you. What you can’t control forces you to step inside yourself and become a whole you instead of a part of everything else.
I just realized that my intense desire to be approved of and loved by others had to do with my wish to lose myself in the group, not become prominent. I wanted to get rid of the part that seemed to create conflict and friction: my will.
Only judge yourself by the truth, even if that truth isn’t perceived by those who judge you. The truth won’t necessarily shield you from the transgressions of those blind to it, but it’ll protect you from ingesting their mental waste.