Robust programming

I realize that I’ve internalized the shame in the scarcity mentality that permeates society. I’ve associated shame with my needs and desires as far as being met by others goes. I learnt to wait around for what others saw fit to give me, as a recognition of my worth. This, because there had been people who felt insufficient and lacking in the face of my childhood desires or needs and chose to pin it on me to control expectations.

I find it difficult to even ask Allaah and I never knew why. And then all of a sudden I hear, shush you don’t deserve to be heard or have your needs met. Self-hate made itself known. The voice is usually undetectable because its control over me is so profound that I never come to question my knee-jerk reactions because fear is a great motivator you see..

Not alone

Feeling safe without objects, without words, without mental images of a better time, is a dissolution of the illusion of control. It’s to let God in, completely. It’s to carry silence without breaking up with the moment. It’s to listen to what speaks without a language.

Informatrix : some of my thought processes

I start by taking in the whole at once and then digest it bit by bit. When I’m digesting it, I match each bit of information with the system that I have in my mind ( polarities, dualities, etc) to see if there’s a symbolic connection to a universal template so to speak. The bits I don’t have a reference for I put aside as I passively scan and study it over a longer period of time to learn new principles. The ones that are entangled or obscure I hold space for in between my thoughts (inner masculine) and intuition (inner feminine). Usually it’s because the information is blocked or hindered by a shadow or wound within me that is causing resistance to essentially letting in light, which information is.

I often find myself in territories that aren’t conventional and for which there hasn’t been any path paved, so I have to use hybrid principles of feelings and thoughts and past references to build a ladder. I use this ladder to see if I can find a hidden door into the external world, into an existing structure. Basically if I can tap into the potential of what already is.

A recent example is, I’ve been thinking a lot about the structuring of information in a substantial yet simple way, because I decided to share a lot of structural information on my IG. So I started toying with words that could act as vehicles or ladder to adding a dimension to what already exists.

And I thought information + infrastructure

I googled it, and boom. There is such a thing.

Cool. Then that leads me to discovering literature, websites, terminology and articles I would never have discovered.

So, you may ask, if the information already exists what’s the point in reinventing the wheel?

Because my aim isn’t to reinvent anything, but to invent new ways of tapping into those resources. The reason why I could never study in a formal setting is that the context is set up by higher-ups. There’s a hierarchy that even the information is subject to. The truth isn’t the overarching principle, it’s essentially control and profit. And that’s what’s wreaking havoc on the planet. People appropriating resources in ways that make life unnecessarily difficult.

My approach is to find the simplest and most direct route to a resource. Simple. I do this by eliminating what’s superfluous like overly convoluted jargon and non-essential information. I don’t need to know or memorize everything that anyone has ever said or written about a subject. I couldn’t care less about the long catalogue of experts and professors unless their information is vital to my objective. And my objective is : what’s the greater good for everyone? It’s not from a personal perspective where I want to be judged on all the information I have, but from the perspective of accessibility. My grandmother and my nephew should be able to understand most of these structures if they ever have an interest in it. Fuck money and power; making the structures of meaningful and purposeful knowledge accessible is where it’s at.

We have the internet and although we know EVERYTHING is in it, who has mapped that everything? How would I be able to know what I can look for? If only insiders and experts know how to get to specialized information, it’s a failure. A systematic failure because you’re adding unnecessary stress to the system by having to serve everyone from behind the counter instead of letting them shop and come up to the counter to pay.

Beware of ego debris

While it’s easy to feign empathy when you feel safe and secure, the veneers start to come off when egos are on uncertain grounds. I wonder if even 1% of the world’s population today have genuine empathy. But I doubt it.

I came into this life expecting fairness because that’s what I’m wired towards. So while I was giving up my ego to make space for others grievances that I thought were vulnerable and based on genuine emotional distress, I was being looted and manipulated. The distress and complaining were a ruse to harvest emotional energy from others and to disarm people. The extents to which people have developed neurotic psychopathy and narcissistic mindsets would be pretty impressive, if it didn’t have such devastating effects.

People will vest so much of their spirit on reinforcing their justifications that reality is reflecting back to them as being incongruent and shoddy. They legit try to colonize reality and the truth lol. Don’t they know that it’s under divine jurisdiction? If it wasn’t, the world would have been destroyed long, long ago.

A word of advice to empaths : stop expecting people who can’t empathize to get it. It doesn’t matter how intellectually astute they seem, understanding is not a mental exercise. You have to be able to take in the whole to understand the part because the whole serves as context. These people use their egos and survival instincts as context for their perception. Anything that falls out of those borders gets distorted and discarded. Don’t get sucked into those mental jet engines.

Work on developing empathy for yourself and connecting your mind to the divine. Usually we operate in this manner

Society ➡️mind ➡️ emotions ➡️behaviour

As in, we observe what society requires from us so that we can belong and be seen. This controls how we feel and the choices we make. To break out of this system we gotto change the course of perception

emotions ➡️ mind➡️ behaviour ➡️society

Where the heart and mind connects before any action (behaviour) is taken. The interaction with society is one-way to prevent backflow of the collective shadow into your electromagnetic grid around your heart. This also means you give of yourself unconditionally and you come from a place of abundance and having your existential needs met by the divine.

Whereas before your mind was fed by society, it’s now fed by a cosmic perspective Whereas before your mind was fed by society, it’s now fed by a cosmic perspective.

Before I close my eyes

I recognized.. that I need Allaah’s mercy and love more than I need to avoid my deepest fears. I let go of my guard and stand before the lion’s den. If I get devoured, at least I’ll die with a hopeful heart. Maybe that’ll be my redemption.

Black sun

These things are what lingered in my shadows – things for which I had no concept, no context, and no capacity to counter. Without being accompanied by the divine, I’d surely have been consumed and my psyche irreparably broken. Facing your shadow prematurely is like waking up and looking yourself in the mirror, only to make the menacing discovery that you have no reflection.

That’s how hell is. To be shielded away from the divine and left to your own shadows. No reprieve, no relief, no hope can emerge from that underground.

Efficacy, clarity, simplicity

I’m pain’s protégé and I learn quick. I have no time to waste wishing life would be different. I exhausted all my wishes until they became death wishes, and even those didn’t get answered. So.

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