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You can’t claim to love and worship Allaah and then feel the need to distort His words to mean something else or to put forth your own explanation for what He did/does or said. That’s assuming He’s not a living God, that He’s not clear, that His words are lacking, that He doesn’t get His creation. And that’s trying to bridge the gap between the known and unknown through your rationale, and not trust. You’re trying to conquer the Ghayb (unseen) like Pharaoh tried to God ‘for himself’.

And Pharaoh said, “O eminent ones, I have not known you to have a god other than me. Then ignite for me, O Haman, [a fire] upon the clay and make for me a tower that I may look at the God of Moses. And indeed, I do think he is among the liars.”

[al-Qasas:38]

What’s prompting you to put in explanations is a reaction to something ; either invalidation from others or a doubt within you that you can’t reconcile. But you should know the effects of your actions ;

Tawheed is the sole reason for Islaam, and any revealed religion before it. Not dichotomies or hegemonies, not rituals, not cause and effect. The sole purpose is to return back to basics; the rest follows naturally as it’s encoded in our psyche. But the starting point has been changed and obscured, and that changes the course of action completely and leads away from Allaah.

Only Allaah knows what leads to Him. We can’t make that call or guesstimate because we can’t even comprehend His being and essence. So we have nothing else but His words, signs and intuition to go on. That’s the task, the test; to commit to what’s intangible. To walk a line you can’t see, but only feel.

The more you intellectualize and try to solve your cognitive dissonance in the same realm they arose, the more distant you become because guidance is felt, eemaan is felt. Cognitive dissonance means there’s something you’re believing that is wrong. Period. It’s impossible to have cognitive dissonance regarding the truth because it’s seamless and doesn’t contradict itself. So instead of defending or protecting what you think is Allaah, release the concepts and trust that Allaah is above duality and ask Him to guide your mind. Seek the Truth and not a concept. Trust that Allaah is al-Haqq and that you’ll find Him wherever the truth is. That’s the leap of faith.

Tawheed means to unify, to make one. It’s to transcend duality because Allaah is One, and it’s His creation that is dual. That’s why you won’t find a contradicting side to Him, and why there is no limitation to Him.

وَمِن كُلِّ شَىْءٍ خَلَقْنَا زَوْجَيْنِ لَعَلَّكُمْ تَذَكَّرُونَ

And of everything We created [contrasting and complimentary] pairs that you may remember [the uniqueness of Allaah] and take admonition [therefrom].

[ad-Daariyaat:49]

It’s deeper than thought

I’ve come to the conclusion through observation that any and all public exposure of the Muslim woman ends in distortion of her platform because she becomes a token. Being visible and accessible to the collective unconscious overpowers the divine feminine energy. It erodes the spiritual context that needs silence and space for spontaneity. Having to vie with external factors creates conditioning that drowns the intuition. Being upheld in another’s value system means the stripping of your essence and distillation into favourable parts that can be related to.

Master, don’t be mastered.

Some people be like Saturn

Your truth doesn’t need words to be. It’s a derivative of the One whose witness never fails or falters. So if others deny or downplay your personal experiences, don’t take the reactivity bait because that’ll enter you into a never-ending mental imprisonment of constantly trying to establish your truth outside yourself. Only love can provide the nuance that accepts your truth. So if you have to explain or anticipate invalidation or skepticism then that’s a sign that it’s an inhospitable space for your truth. Don’t force yourself into that atmosphere.

Wildin’ out?

When someone refuses to acknowledge and heal their pain they develop toxic behavioural patterns because they perpetuate the patterns that caused the pain they are in denial of.

So while we can empathize with someone’s core wounds, this can’t be used as an excuse for their toxic behaviours. Hurt people don’t hurt people. There are plenty of hurt people who are too conscientious and sensitive to inflict the pain that they feel.

Toxic people hurt people.

🚧

Don’t internalize people’s thoughts (about you). Most of it is automated spam that circulates through their mind unhindered like a runaway train. The inevitable crash is neurotic.

Hitting the ground running

I feel abandoned on a visceral level
My existence unmet on the levels beyond thought and words
My emotions left unanswered, unacknowledged
The emergence of an instinct to grab on to something, an anchor in the physical world to remind myself that I’m actually living
That I’m not the phantom I feel myself to be
My existence is vague, like it might as well have not been
A faint line

I feel a deep resentment towards life. I wasn’t received when I needed it the most, and now I don’t need it anymore.

One thing non-Muslims should know

The Muslim “Ummah” been undergoing a collective existential crisis since the turn of the century when the Ottoman empire fell. Most Muslims hold on to cultural practices and appropriation of what they think Islaam is, but really isn’t based on the core principles. It’s like a knockoff version, a copy mass-produced in China.

The principles of Islaam are living and fluid, and aren’t confined to inks and paper but to the heart that it was first revealed to. The state of the Muslims is such because they – we – are split and running on fumes. It’s because we don’t practice what we preach that we overcompensate through dysfunctional means to anchor the wobbly faith in the external world.

In short : if you’re interested in Islaam, take the intuitive road. If you want to become a Muslim don’t do it because of community because there is no such thing. We’re at a really low point and can’t avail ourselves to accommodate for others in the way we should. So don’t be surprised when our actions contradict what we say or when our manners are shitty af. We’re hurting and we’re lost but rather that than to lose the essence of Islaam and bury it in our dissonance.

Islaam isn’t for Muslims. Islaam is for the entire cosmos and it has as many paths to its core as there are roads that lead to Makkah.

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