Only come if your path ends at my doorstep

I’ll only let you in if it was your heart that led you here
I keep my world warm and shielded from the drafts of a skeptical mind
My sensuality is sacred
My love is self funded
My being is lined with invisible ink
You’ll see me when you believe in me

My heart needsa live either way
My passion burns deep all the way
My soul will outlive alla y’alls favourites
I operate in my own matrix
Don’t you filter me through your filthy aggregates of averages
Don’t forget that I’m the descendant of reer mudug savages
I love deep but my reflexes don’t flinch, I don’t hesitate
I’m a vessel for peace but I can pour you a tall glass of mayhem

To my rover

Who am I when I have nothing to look forward to?
Who am I in the depths of my being, which no one has experienced?
Who would I be to people if I didn’t make them feel good?
Who would I be if I spoke a language no one knew?
What if I saw things no one else had caught a glimpse of?
What if I were to be pulled by a strange force that addressed my heart alone – who would I then be?
If I were drowning in a river of imagination, would my death be real?

forget our conversations, the hours we spent laughing at the absurdity of this world, the long silences that weren’t awkward at all – would you recognize me by vibe? Because I do. I can actually remember my soul and yours standing next to each other in a life prior to this. I tried to forget you but my heart knew you before it even knew my own name. My name!
My love for you transcends time and space, and that explains why I’ve failed to shut the door on you. I’ve spent years travelling towards the horizon of your soul. I never thought I’d ever arrive, so distant and unfathomable was the connection. But it persisted and resisted my deviation, like the northern star.

And yet, I sailed away because I thought your soul had gone dim for me. I didn’t hear your echo, I didn’t see your reflection. I couldn’t endure the torment of the possibility that this secret I’ve carried in my heart for years would remain a secret. That’s too heavy a reality for me to endure. I’d rather make peace with the thought of never speaking to you again.

I’m usually good at disappearing and deadening the traces of others in my heart. But it seems like you came pre-installed. At this point, I’ve come to terms with spending the rest of my days alone because my heart does simply not have space for any other. I sleep with you on my mind, and I awake with you in my heart.

I write this more to myself, to come to terms with what I’ve tried deny and suppress for long. But I realized I couldn’t do that without suppressing a part of me. You’re forever ingrained in my soul and although I’m mortified at the thought of you ever coming across this, I can’t deny the truth. My truth.

So, I let go, of it all. What I am, whether you’ll ever return from that red planet of yours, what it all means. I let it go, flow, float into the ether.

May Allaah pull us back to our shared orbit. ❤️

Autumn faith

I’ll make love to you in 5 languages
And you won’t have to know any of them to understand what I’m saying

because you will.


divine timing

I honour…

The steps I began to take on a path that I didn’t continue on
The hope I had in what never came to be
The love I poured in those who betrayed me
The seeds I planted that never bore fruit
The words stirred in my heart that never dared leave my lips
The sentences I started writing but never finished
The fleeting happiness carried by my smile which never quite reached my eyes
The dreams I thought would lead me home
The people I thought would make me whole
The truths that left a gaping hole
making it painfully obvious how empty my heart had become
The connections I had to disrupt to continue on my journey
The convictions that turned out to be illusions
The havens that turned out to be mirages

Inevitably, I learnt my truth through either elimination or illumination. In that regard, my darkness has helped me just as much as the light because I’m neither the dark or the light, but the interplay of the two. I’m the lone tree in the meadow that sees the light of day and is seized by the cover of the night, and yet it always shows up for the dawn of a new day.

let winter come

I was not created to play small
Towering waves sweep me in from the shore I cling to

because Allaah did not create me to play it safe

The cosmos knows my hiding place and it won’t leave me alone
I’m pulled under and I panic
I’m drowning
But no, I discover that I can breathe underwater because

I was not created to be defeated

I take to the mountains for refuge, only to be thrown off the cliff
And I panic because I’m hurtling towards the destruction I escaped from
But no, I discover that I can fly because

I was not created to escape

Duality is dying in me, as unity is born
My illusions die and it feels like real death
But the light I walk towards isn’t the afterlife
It’s my rebirth into my real life
My soul is awaiting me on the other side
My ego has been good to me, protecting me like a placenta
Allowing me to grow immune to the harsh blows of this toxic world
For that I’m grateful
I’ve learnt my lessons, balanced the energies, healed the wounds, gotten over myself

My soul is indestructible and this body is temporary anyway, so what can this world take away from me?

I’m the container of all that arises in me and flows through me. I’m the roots to my being.

avian cycles

Everything changes but God
Only the truth is fulfilling

The same rain that makes flowers bloom also helps the trees make their way through the dirt to the skies.
Being a mirage doesn’t quench your thirst.
Meaning is extracted from the feelings that arise unprompted, it’s not embedded in external experiences.
The void where nothing seems to happen is where all possibilities pool.

Be patient and await the clear cues. You’ll know it when it comes, just like the migrating birds know when spring returns .
Your stillness is roots that ground the birth of new worlds. Your hope is a womb where dreams gestate. Your soul is whence your purpose takes flight.

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