You can’t outmanoeuvre how you feel. That shit is real and you owe yourself the decency to acknowledge why certain things are difficult. Your anxiety or depression aren’t isolated and compartmentalized. It will have an effect on how you do things and how you cope. Instead of insisting on a plan or goals that force you to adapt, have compassion for yourself and realize that you won’t be going anywhere by leaving parts of you behind. Just like when you have the stomach flu or a migraine all of you are down and it affects what you were planning on doing (even though technically the rest of your body is healthy), so should the state of your inner being be to you.
This society is programmed to split a person from their emotions to make them into automatons that are easily manipulated and hijacked. That’s what you’re setting yourself up for when you’re prioritizing external outlines over how you are feeling or what you desire. When you go along with something that requires you to suppress or brutalize yourself, is the goal really worth it? When people talk about selling their souls they imagine some dungeon and a horned devil. But no. It happens in gradual ways where you muffle the agonizing screams of your soul because it’s inconvenient. Hell is the sum of the choices you made against your conscience.
In the world we’re a part of today, being connected with the soul is the Noah’s ark. It may seem overwhelmingly nefarious and evil to even contemplate how to get out of this, but guess what? You never were meant to figure out this on your own or hatch an escape plan. The only way out is through transcendence and that can only be facilitated by the creator of your soul. But you have to green light this by being receptive to your inner knowing, to letting go of what dishonours you, to uphold integrity and honesty in your soul, to love unconditionally, to be empathetic.
How you respond to hateful or grim circumstances hold far more power than you’ll ever know. Forget revenge and being vindicated : when someone or something fails to make you go against what you wish or your character, your light has triumphed. And as long as you hold on to that light, it doesn’t matter how dark the world gets. A candle light is more powerful than all the darkness because darkness is empty and lacks divine essence. Evil is darkness because because it renegaded from the divine light. And it’ll have you believe that it’s more powerful and encompassing than it is. It’s only power is illusion. If it had any substance, it’d fulfill the threats without dropping trailers in your mind. That’s why we fear the dark so much. We project our active imagination on what may await in the dark corners.
When you lose track of yourself, your pure awareness, how you feel etc, your focus inevitably gets drawn in by the suggestions of a fearful imagination. When you’re not grounded and present, it’s very easy for you to get stuck in your reptilian brain where your amygdala shuts down and hijacks the logical part of your brain (neocortex) and you become hypervigilant. But that hypervigilance is like being a deer in headlights. It’s a constant scanning of evidences of your worst fears. And that’s how most of us go through this life. That’s why distractions and escapism is so enticing ; it’s like we’ve given up on the existence of a reality where we don’t have to survive by dissociating and distracting ourselves. It’s like we’ve settled for coffee breaks during our torture sessions.
What I’m tryna say is… you’re like someone in a fortified house. Robbers come to your front door and threaten you with the worst depravity and torture if you don’t open up. They tell you that they are giving you a chance before they break in, which they claim they’ll easily do, to open up and spare you and your family unfathomable terrors. Because you’ve forgotten how secure your house is and the weapons you have to defend yourself with, your amygdala hijacks your brain and you give the robbers empty threat life because of your own fears. And you open the door to prevent the worst case scenario from happening. Makes no sense yes? But that’s how most of us be living and if Jung has taught me anything it’s to look for archetypes and the collective unconscious that is being played out.
AI are a representation of our disconnection from our humanity and our collective dissociation. And that’s way worse than any AI. We project our own fears on harmless robots, thereby animating them with powers they wouldn’t have otherwise.
Don’t let your emotions be replaced by algorithms and don’t your soul be hijacked by programs based on your predictable reactions.
The manifestation of the new is like the gradient of the dawn. Every step towards the faint energy solidifies it in your field. But you can’t be impatient and try to fast forward it. You’re skipping the most essential part of the process by omitting yourself. Being receptive is being present.
And that’s why many people get worried when things go well; they’ve associated the gradient with something that teases and disappears. It didn’t disappear, you did. You bailed on yourself and your fear of things not lasting, your dreadful anticipation of things going awry is proof that you’re not here to witness what’s dawning in you.
Because there’s a long and dark night before dawn comes, and most want to sleep it through.
The concept of willpower is modeled after the indoctrination of society. The things we uphold as ideals to attain are always sourced externally from either people who’ve attained it or being encouraged by people we look up to. And it’s always entangled with this assumption that reaching a certain goal will somehow unlock a state of being, a certain way of feeling… But that’s erroneous and horribly disempowering. Trying to escape the discomfort of the moment effectively imprisons you to the discomfort because you can’t outrun what’s within you.
When you have love, you don’t need willpower. The latter is the ego’s attempt at bypassing whatever impulses and inclinations arises naturally within the person in order to curate control through a certain persona. Love is acceptance and surrender. Love disarms the ego and dissolves the mind’s resistance. But you got to feed it with faith. Faith in the meaning of your emotions and your experiences. Faith in the divine and the perfect structure of everything. Faith.
Faith is a spanner in the wheel that is amygdala hijackings. Hope is the backup generator to the basal ganglia that motivates and forecasts based on the limited working memory. Potential isn’t housed in the brain, so don’t let the brain call the ultimate shots.
Where has the empathy of this ummah disappeared to? A mind that tries to control emaan creates a hardened heart far from Allaah. The beauty of a soul lies in the character. Good character comes from an unprotected heart, a person who’s submitted in vulnerability, trusting His justice, and accepting their own fallability. Allaah is not in need of minds full of memorized verses and studied pages. Allaah is not impressed by how well you walk without a wobble. He created you with that vulnerability. He knows the weakness that hides behind that facade. He created you to live through that weakness, not bypass it. What hasn’t permeated the heart won’t illuminate your grave.
On That Day, you won’t remember the books, the halaqaat, the sunnan you used to pray, the principles you used to stick to intellectually. On That Day, everything that had been relegated to the shadows will come forth. Everything you’ve been suppressing will stand before you. And because you spent all your life resisting who you were, shaytaan had a field life in running through that unattended backdoor. The backdoor you were ashamed of. Instead of integrating all of you, you will meet your fragmentations on that Day while you never thought you would. But you see, nothing is really gone just because you hide it or deny it. And as long as the person Allaah knows you to be in the dead of the night is different from the person you’re trying to be, there can’t be no inaabah. There can’t be no actualization of Tawheed when you’re too focused on not making a mistake to submit to Him. Not wanting to make a mistake is different from the state of an-nafs allawwaamah ; the self reproaching nafs. Not wanting to make a mistake is rooted in a quest for divinity, a rejection of your humanity, a subtle form of arrogance. It’s the ego that thinks piety is about how it makes YOU look as opposed to how it makes you feel. As if entering Jannah is through credit scores.
Iblees didn’t want to make mistakes. He was very perfectionistic. But the angels, when Allaah asked them what they thought about the creation of humans, made a judgement that proved to fall short of the reality. They could only assess based on what they knew so that’s what they sincerely did. And when Allaah showed them the bigger reality, they submitted to that at once. They didn’t defend their position or assumptions. But Iblees, his whole piety was based on the belief that he earned his rights to be elevated. He earned his rights to lead the campaign with the angels to break up the warring jinn factions on earth. He believed himself to be inherently favourable.
And when the light came to separate him from his assumptions, he clung to it for dear life, refusing to entertain anything else.
Allaah will bring you to your knees one way or another. Not to humiliate you but to break the shell that keeps you in the dark.
Trust Him. Trust Him. Trust Him. Trust that what you were tried with was to bring you closer to your true self because it’s only through the true self that you can have muraaqaba with Him. Somethings are beyond the scope of words. Somethings are just felt. If the connection to Allaah makes you feel overwhelmingly guilty or preoccupied with your shortcomings or fearful of punishment, know that there’s something amiss. Fear should be the boundaries that alert you when you’re going out of alignment. It shouldn’t be the default state. How will you love Him, have awe of Him, reflect on the universe He created and all the signs He left for you if you’re suspended in terror? If your heart is constantly in knots?
مَا يَفْعَلُ اللَّهُ بِعَذَابِكُمْ إِنْ شَكَرْتُمْ وَآمَنْتُمْ ۚ وَكَانَ اللَّهُ شَاكِرًا عَلِيمًا
Why should Allaah punish you if you were grateful and have believed in Him. And Allaah is Ever All-Appreciative (of good), All-Knowing.