where did i go wrong?

Reality can seem violent when you first let out your dreaded feelings that have fossilized in the darkness where you’ve buried them for so long. But the heart racing to infinity, the cold sweating, the dizziness, the restlessness – that’s the anticipation of nightmares that only are real in the dark. Don’t fear my friend. The light suffices as protection. Nothing evil can hide there. And your feelings just are, they aren’t wrong or right. Don’t stuff them in the back where they become the staple food of your demons. Don’t feed the darkness with what was supposed to feed your light. It was supposed to  make it burn brighter, repel the evil, integrate the shadows.

sleepless nights

December stillness, teach me through your trees

That loom along the west, one with the land,

The veiled evangel of your mysteries.

While nightfall, sad and spacious, on the down

Deepens, and dusk embues me where I stand,

With grave diminishings of green and brown,

Speak, roofless Nature, your instinctive words;

And let me learn your secret from the sky,

Following a flock of steadfast-journeying birds

In lone remote migration beating by.

December stillness, crossed by twilight roads,

Teach me to travel far and bear my loads.

– Siegfried Sassoon, December Stillness

the winter of your heart

May I learn to sacrifice but never compromise
May I find a resting place in the spaces at the turn of the seasons
May my courage never fail my love
May my perception of the truth remain free of distortions

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