I realize I’m the antithesis of inspirational. I understand why many don’t vibe or connect with me. Took me a while to figure out why. Now I don’t go out of my way to disperse the fog or convince people that there is a world outside Plato’s cave. I don’t want to be a shock to the system, a cold chill, a jump scare. I can only be grounded in my reality and be aligned with it fully even if that entails being a recluse. I’m not isolated, I’m just back at the place where everyone has escaped for pies in the skies. I’m in the place I started out in existence: the mundane. And when I don’t try to make it what it’s not, I can see the sky peppered with stars and the streets they form. I can observe and absorb the hidden beauty. That’s what the divine is. Hidden beauty. Inconspicuous yet so naturally obvious. Like something that you had no idea you needed.
Africa is the magnetic center of this planet, much like the heart and the moon. Even time is different – it’s polychronic. They don’t have the delineations we have here – it’s like weekdays, weekends, holidays, work and home is all in a quantum field of fluidity. That also means there are weaker boundaries (overfamiliarity, codependency). In ways, the Western colonizers were the narcissistic prince charming that swept us off the ground with love bombing and making us see our potential for the first time ever…
You mean we can use the resources and not be in need of the community?
Oh no baby what is you doooin…
The no.1 thing Africa needs isn’t resources, isn’t education, isn’t political structure, isn’t infrastructure. It’s clarity.
We need clarity to be able to see what’s ours and not doubt it. We need to be able to see beyond the webs of deception that have been woven around and around and made us collapse in shameful defeat. We need to see that it’s not our task to remove the webs nor is it our task to make the recovery look good. We need the clarity to disconnect from the worst timeline of exasperation that opened us up for exploitation.
And understand that the abundance on the planet hinges on us clearing the energetic grids. The strongholds of the West which represents an overactive mind has its roots in our relinquishing what we know simply because it’s not as concrete or intellectual to be validated by the West. This isn’t about white v black. It never was. That’s just another idiotic delineation by a limited mind wanting to seek safety. It was always about the higher good which is the universal good. And we have those who oppose it amongst our kinfolk just as there are those who oppose it in the West. As long as we don’t realize the true baseline and the original crack, we’ll just be scrambling to divide what’s left into more precise pieces.
The powerful thing is, there is a timeline of abundance and holism active in Africa, much like Wakanda. It’s something we access, not create. And we can only access that by letting go of what seems so inevitable simply because it’s been around for so long. We can’t fathom the continent without violence and corruption because we’ve disconnected from the vibrancy that is the heart of this planet. We’ve forgotten our bearings completely and that is the sin we need to be redeemed of.
People who feel suicidal or end up committing suicide are people who don’t feel that to live is safe. They feel an inordinate amount because of what those with robust egos have discarded or pushed away from their awareness to retain control and their worldview. And because others aren’t engaged in the bigger reality that unites us all, they can’t connect with them – these canaries in the coalmine-in the trenches to at least keep them company as they g(r)o(w) through encountering new facets of reality.
There’s no mental acknowledgement of the process of spiritual alchemy that transforms the individual through uniting the opposites that clash. There’s no interstitial space afforded those initiates called to go deeper into the spiritual abyss on behalf of humanity.
It’s like seeing the faint outline of raised waves on the horizon, and going towards it to explore what this anomaly is signaling to then warn the others of the inevitability.
Because what’s causing people to feel so suffocated that they opt to go against every natural desire to live is a symptom that affects us all collectively, whether we tune it out or not. And it’ll steadily eat away at the fabric that holds us together and keeps us sane until it reaches monstrous proportions that we no longer can avoid. We realize what the waves were when the tsunami has already crossed the shore.
The mind projects but can’t receive. We receive through feelings. Feelings are the detection of change in one’s energetic field and the more sensitive one is the faster the change is perceived. Feelings inform you of how the change relates to you and what it could entail. It’s like sonar.
Absence is the presence of disconnection; presence is the absence of disconnection.
And disconnection is mighty loud. Existentially marooned, it takes home in thoughts, words, concepts, ideologies, plans, goals, action. Underpinned by a separation from the divine in whose connection context for existence is found, it can’t let you slow down or silence the mind. In lieu of the life force that originated through the soul and runs a quiet stream of creativity throughout the human collective, we’re forced to create mental islands to protect us from drowning, and we must keep toiling because the natural flow of that life force erodes away all that we’ve built up; it honours no separation.
We can never stop because disconnection is existential death. We must never touch the floor. We must never know ourselves.
Slowly learning to accept that an overwhelming majority of activists and those speaking truth to power are still deeply traumatized and haven’t done self-work. I’m very sensitive to energy and I always scan someone’s energy before I do their words or work, and I’ve become increasingly disappointed in the world because I thought someone tending to the public in that capacity and awareness was obviously someone who had first done their healing.. but often they’re spurred into action because they’re confounded by their compounded trauma and it’s the only way they know how to get a hold on what’s going on within them.. by changing what’s triggering them in the external world. ( of course this serves a purpose to awaken people to what’s triggering, so it’s not like their work is inherently futile).
Not only is it an extremely dreary path to take because you’re consistently in resistance and conflict with what’s coming up for healing within you, but you’ll cause fragmentation everywhere you go as you’re contagious with the emotional violence still active in your psyche. Words become weapons that you use against those that trigger a survival reaction in you, and as a sensitive person your energy field is very porous. It’s impossible to go in the direction of thriving while simultaneously steeped in survival. Those are polar opposite trajectories ; thriving requires transcending survival and to move beyond deficiency needs to growth needs ( think Maslow’s hierarchy of needs).
The effectiveness of your work is rooted exclusively in the amount of self-work and healing you’ve done. Had you gone deeper you’d have discovered that you don’t necessarily need to seek the public to be effective, rather being grounded and integrating the light that comes through you, in whatever form or direction, is all that is needed. Like a lighthouse, being distant from the storm can be what’s the most helpful to those engulfed by the storm.