Visceral loving

Just watched*  A Quiet Place and it spurred intuitive ideas about mothering and divine mothering, that is the archetype of motherhood. Beyond the physical and biological implications of motherhood I thought about the spiritual and emotional capacities. And that’s when I discovered my core gifts : love, security and guidance. Or in other words, nurturing, abundance and understanding. The 3 things I’ve lacked the most in my life. And things are more clear because it makes sense that if I was created with these qualities I had to lead a life of the polarities in order to grow and understand through that intense contrast. And that’s what it’s been for me in the past 13 years. Mothering myself. Trying to understand my empathetic and intuitive gifts. Learning in a highly unusual and heuristic way. Devoting myself to healing.

Just earlier I thought to myself that had I not surrendered to the countless trauma and suffering that’s been piled up back to back, I would remain stuck. It was my willingness to regroup, be introspective, be brutally honest about why I’m in this situation even if others did me wrong, and map things together intuitively that allowed me to be receptive to the divine wisdom. But then again, that’s why Allaah tested me to the extent that He did. He knew I would only become bolder under pressure and if I wasn’t so I wouldn’t be put through the high-pressure cooker that my adult life has been.

I’m just so grateful to come face to face with my core. I never thought this would happen.


* this was over 2 months ago and it’s been sitting in my drafts until now for no apparent reason 🙄

Be blessed like a porcelain doll

These women are navigating their interior commotion — their death postponed, it feels — as if it were a nightmare, or a day off, or another inexpressible world running alongside their own, where, again, they are expected to be “fine”: to heal quickly, to be mothers and wives, to trust doctors and lovers. To be articulate about whatever intensities are submerging them, without, as Giuliana puts it, ending up with a “bunch of words strung together.” They’d like meaning, purpose, and the kind of connective passion that returns a woman to her body. Their lives bring to mind a line from Anaïs Nin’s The Four-Chambered Heart, in which the main character, Djuna, tells her lover Rango, “I must be a mermaid, Rango. I have no fear of depths and a great fear of shallow living.”

– Durga Chew-Bose, The Mask of Monica Vitti

Black Panther

All of earth’s valuables are buried beneath the surfaces ; that of the earth and souls.

Wakanda is built, developed and maintained by empathy, integrity, authenticity, courage, harmony, self-sacrifice, love. And it made me realize why Africa fell to people like Klaue and Killmonger. The wealth and riches in Africa can’t be extracted and benefitted from by an unscrupulous being. So until the souls are refined, we’ll be punished by our spiritual degradation. The white man didn’t come until we had abandoned our nature and harmony to manipulate the abundance for our egos.

Neither will anything be set aright by focusing on the Klaue’s of the world, corrupt opportunists who only go where they are invited. Yes, we invited the colonizers, the tyrants. Maybe not expressly, but the soul leaks and leaves behind clues when it’s out of alignment with itself, unethical. Just like King T’chaka when he left behind his nephew who later came back as Killmonger, threatening the whole empire and indeed the world.

Respect the universal balance. Not everything is gauged by postmodernism and science. We must assume that the bigger picture is that in all of chaos and disorder, lies a perfect divine order. So you don’t fight the disorder, but you take responsibility for what in you invited the disorder then you counteract it with reinforced order.

I imagine most black millennials in the west would act like Killmonger. People want to take pride in African history and fashion, but do you hear of anyone wanting to connect to the plight of the Africans today? Why, no. It’s all a celebration of ego. To be African is beyond a colour, an event, a language. It’s a mysterious spirit that demands balance, that demands responsibility and that demands justice. It will take you to where pain is mined before you’re shown the vibranium mines.

The sound of resonance

Have you heard of Optimum Trajectory before? Your life is like a river, Bob. If you’re aiming for a goal that isn’t your destiny, you will always be swimming against the current.

Young Ghandi wants to be a stock-car racer? Not gonna happen. Little Anne Frank wants to be a High School teacher. Tough titty Anne. That’s not your destiny. But you will go on to move the hearts and minds of millions.

Find out what your destiny is and the river will carry you.Now sometimes events in life give an individual clues as to where their destiny lies…

The Men Who Stare At Goats (2009) Dir. Grant Heslov

Anxiety Of Missing Out

I would have loved to see Black Panther at the movies, if it weren’t for this pesky little thing called Anxiety® that makes being in public spaces (bonus if crowded) a game of Temple Run. My thoughts grow balls when I’m far away from a safe place I can retreat to (i. e. my room) and it’s like wearing a VR headset and watching the worst fears come to 4D life. The Surround Sound Adrenaline™ ensures that everything but your amygdala is online, to give you that added oomph to push you over the edge.

And it’s like staring at this chasm between the edges of cliffs, and you’re trying to calculate the probability that you could make it to the other side if you really, really, went for it? The Fear Of Missing Out + Anxiety is like… being drawn and quartered.

Heuristic love

The greatest and purest things in life aren’t attainable through the mind, only receivable through the heart. Ego has no stake in it and that’s why most miss out on the cosmic beauty that is ready to rain down on them. The ego hates being soaked in anything but its own fumes

My love for him resurrected everything in me that I had turned off the lights to, turned my back to, eager to get away from the flickering shadows of what I thought I could never achieve. What my soul was yearning for wasn’t to possess the forms in the shadows, but to be contained by divine light.

Completion, not perfection

I think cats are here to teach us the mysterious art of the feminine energy. Dogs exemplify the healthy masculine energy ; protective, of service, loyal, alert. Don’t be a man’s bitch. Find your rhythm.Trust it. Move to nothing but your cyclical cadence.

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