The sound of fear

Only Allaah can give me comprehensive safety, which is emotional safety. My mind can only make me safe in terms of what I can see or predict. But the physical threats can’t be compared to metaphysical threats because of the limitations in the density of this physical realm. But the soul and heart can be subjected to unimaginable horrors that are made worse by the lack of knowledge of these hidden realms and what can happen. So instead of trying to at least mitigate the pain, one disconnects and rejects it, pushing heart further into the shadows.

Only Allaah knows what the mind can’t even fathom or put into words. And I rest in that knowing because I know that no matter how much I dissociate and how much sensory indulgence I wedge between me and my awareness, I can’t get away from my soul, ever. Not even through death! Not only that, but in rejecting parts of me I’m overloading the capacity of my mind that can’t do what my heart does. Life becomes unbearable, suffocating, and extremely gloomy..

You know, what we call depth is being at the lowest point and yet holding space for the highest point. If you can find a connection to the divine no matter how forlorn or distraught you are, you’re in the company of the Highest who takes note of your remembrance. And whoever is given the focus of the Creator is immersed in abundance.


I’m much better at perceiving and receiving than thinking and generating. I’m better with open-ended tasks where I have creative control of the process than goal-oriented and time limited top-down tasks.

It’s nearly impossible for me to read through a book unless I’ve been inspired to. It’s impossible for me to enroll at a course and make it through the first class. It’s impossible for me to be managed or supervised.

I need to have my vision trusted and I need space to do what I do best. Unless I can have that I won’t show you what I can do.

That’s what black light means to me. I can perceive the darkness because I let it seep into me and instead of being resisted with fear it’s met with an openness that gives it space and imbues it with connection. That connection is a black light – a hidden light that is felt but not seen.

I have this connection to everything and everyone within whom this latent presence hasn’t been perverted or distorted. Nature, the earth, nations, the events in the land. I can sense what the ground has experienced in some places. I receive vivid images and memories that aren’t mine from a very distant time and places that I don’t think exist on this earth.

I always had a keen sense of the cosmos but also a deep fear. I’ve written about this before, about an out of body experience I had when I was 4 that was triggered by my asking myself over and over again, who am I where did I come from what am I doing to here. I saw in the eye of my mind me floating into space and I panicked because I didn’t have a tether to pull myself back in and I feared getting lost in space if I went farther.

Last night I realized that the tether I’ve been seeking was Allaah. I’ve been seeking Him since I was 5. I understand I did this because I needed an anchor, a place to return to in order to not get lost in all that I observe and absorb. He’s my existential protection

Surrender convention

Dikr is meditation that not only takes you out of the mental space but into your heart space. Its effect is instantaneous because encapsulated in the prophetic phrases is a space in which you can completely let go of the hypervigilance of being in a 3D world focused on survival, danger and scarcity. It allows you to become vulnerable without feeling threatened and to inhabit the unknown deep in you without feeling lost.

Dikr is feminine energy ; it’s Being, stillness, silencing thoughts, transcending ego, awareness, intuition, but above all LOVE.

One example :

لا إِلَهَ إِلا اللَّهُ وَحْدَهُ لا شَرِيكَ لَهُ لَهُ الْمُلْكُ وَلَهُ الْحَمْدُ وَهُوَ عَلَى كُلِّ شَيْءٍ قَدِيرٌ

There is no true deity but Allaah alone, no partners has He. His is all sovereignty and praise, and He is over all things potent

The heart longs to surrender and we often surrender it to our minds which confines and suffocates and treat it very harshly. Only Allaah has the abundance and transcends all limitations to give us the true confidence to let go of control. By reiterating this, we recalibrate ourselves to the divine reality and take back the balance from a hectic and frantic outer reality that can obscure the possibility of anything else.

It is by reminding ourselves of our humanity that we can receive the divine. But for as long as we’re frantically trying to conquer this space of surrender by constant doing and being overly steeped in masculine energy that overwhelms us, we are incapable of receiving harmony and love no matter how much we think we want it. The underlying identification with perfectionism and outcomes has with it a deep fear of losing yourself if you slow down.

فَلَمَّا جَآءَتْ قِيلَ أَهَٰكَذَا عَرْشُكِ قَالَتْ كَأَنَّهُۥ هُوَ وَأُوتِينَا ٱلْعِلْمَ مِن قَبْلِهَا وَكُنَّا مُسْلِمِينَ

So when she arrived, it was said [to her], “Is your throne like this?” She said, “[It is] as though it was it.” [Solomon said], “And we were given knowledge before her, and we have been Muslims [in submission to Allah]

وَصَدَّهَا مَا كَانَت تَّعْبُدُ مِن دُونِ ٱللَّهِ إِنَّهَا كَانَتْ مِن قَوْمٍ كَٰفِرِينَ

And that which she was worshipping other than Allah had averted her [from submission to Him]. Indeed, she was from a disbelieving people.

قِيلَ لَهَا ٱدْخُلِى ٱلصَّرْحَ فَلَمَّا رَأَتْهُ حَسِبَتْهُ لُجَّةً وَكَشَفَتْ عَن سَاقَيْهَا قَالَ إِنَّهُۥ صَرْحٌ مُّمَرَّدٌ مِّن قَوَارِيرَ قَالَتْ رَبِّ إِنِّى ظَلَمْتُ نَفْسِى وَأَسْلَمْتُ مَعَ سُلَيْمَٰنَ لِلَّهِ رَبِّ ٱلْعَٰلَمِينَ

It was said to her: “Enter As-Sarh” [(a glass surface with water underneath it) or a palace], but when she saw it, she thought it was a pool, and she (tucked up her clothes) uncovering her legs, Sulaiman (Solomon) said: “Verily, it is Sarh [(a glass surface with water underneath it) or a palace] paved smooth with slab of glass.” She said: “My Lord! Verily, I have wronged myself, and I submit (in Islam, together with Sulaiman (Solomon), to Allah, the Lord of the ‘Alamin (mankind, jinns and all that exists).”


Though she was very astute and intelligent, she had let her position and possessions and abilities cloud her from the inner space that would give her the right awareness. It wasn’t until she was met with something that exceeded far beyond any worldly structure that she decided to look inwardly. She had to reach a point where her thoughts and thinking ability gave out on her for her to tap into an inner knowing that has a far deeper and wider scope of perception than the mind can ever have.

And this is why I believe that as women, constantly being in positions that demand masculine energy is extremely detrimental to our well-being and it depletes our inner power. But that’s for another post.

Beyond rhetoric

Not everyone is guided through explicit means. Some are guided through atheism. Others are guided through tragedies. And yet others are guided through opulence and privilege. All of the cosmos is imbued with signs and the goal isn’t to become well-versed in a specific language, but to be able to communicate and perceive the Truth..

سَنُرِيهِمْ آيَاتِنَا فِي الْآفَاقِ وَفِي أَنفُسِهِمْ حَتَّىٰ يَتَبَيَّنَ لَهُمْ أَنَّهُ الْحَقُّ ۗ أَوَلَمْ يَكْفِ بِرَبِّكَ أَنَّهُ عَلَىٰ كُلِّ شَيْءٍ شَهِيدٌ

We will show them Our signs in the horizons and within themselves until it becomes clear to them that it is the truth. But is it not sufficient concerning your Lord that He is, over all things, a Witness?


Allaah teaches through polarities, opposites, and duality.

It’s how Ibraaheem alayhissalaam discovered Allaah:

. وَكَذَٰلِكَ نُرِىٓ إِبْرَٰهِيمَ مَلَكُوتَ ٱلسَّمَٰوَٰتِ وَٱلْأَرْضِ وَلِيَكُونَ مِنَ ٱلْمُوقِنِينَ

And thus did We show Abraham the realm of the heavens and the earth that he would be among the certain [in faith]

فَلَمَّا جَنَّ عَلَيْهِ ٱلَّيْلُ رَءَا كَوْكَبًا قَالَ هَٰذَا رَبِّى فَلَمَّآ أَفَلَ قَالَ لَآ أُحِبُّ ٱلْءَافِلِينَ

So when the night covered him [with darkness], he saw a star. He said, “This is my lord.” But when it set, he said, “I like not those that disappear.”


Life has no audience, only collaborators

I was just thinking about having this ingrained belief that unless I deliver perfect results, it’s all in vain, I should just stay out of the way until I can muster that performance. And I realized that this has held back my reality from taking shape because of these conditions. And these conditions aren’t even ones enacted by the divine, despite Allaah being the only perfect and complete being. He allows for imperfection to take place and form; we have to contend with shortcomings and disappointments and natural disasters and birth defects in babies.

I never realized that Allaah was teaching us to find beauty and gratitude even in the smallest of expression of life. Perfectionism is demanded by ego, but it’s vulnerability and authenticity that concerns the soul. And forgoing perfect results to make my imperfect presence known is far more meaningful than I imagined. It’s not about the detached outcomes, but the outcome of me as a result of interacting with life.

Targeted Individuals

I’ve seen their videos on YouTube and while it may have been tempting to dismiss it as psychosis or schizophrenia, I tried to have empathy and to at least hear them out. Whatever it is, they aren’t faking it. Their agony and fear is very real. I realized they must be possessed and/or stalked by demonic entities that are interdimensional and therefore can interfere with thoughts and feelings. Also, they could control their minds and of course they’d turn the individual’s focus outwardly to evade detection, while also setting the individual up for invalidation and dismissal, to further fragment their ( i.e. individual) grasp on reality.

I have a hard time believing that their efforts (T. I.) and theories and experiences are random byproducts of a malfunctioning brain. I think dimensions are leaking through and blending so that they lose grounding in their bodies and in this reality.

Also, I’ve noticed an immense surge in the interest of the occult and their symbology in the last 2 years, as well as the machinations of a deep state that operates by masonic codes, orchestrating false flags and such. I think it’s a ploy to distract. I genuinely believe these convincing conspiracies are the pied piper meant to lure people away from remaining grounded and centered in their awareness, whilst convinced that the rabbit holes they’re going into is enlightenment.

It’s all unbeneficial knowledge that only causes imbalance and overwhelms the person. It’s not necessary to know everything that’s happening behind closed doors and it’s not necessary to predict the future in order to remain safe. You remain secure by being present in your heart and paying attention to your feelings and not your thoughts. Your thoughts can be interfered with so easily, but that’s not the case with your heart. The more you remain present and feeling into everything that arises within you, the more your energy is safeguarded. But when you go down rabbit holes and follow leads that pop into your thought stream, you’re leaking and hemorrhaging your life energy. You’re at risk of self-fragmentation and you’re opening yourself up for spiritual attacks and mental invasions by negative forces, if only the manipulation of toxic people.

Connect to the outside reality through God. That’s how you stay protected and whole at all times. He knows what you can’t see and nothing escapes His watchful eye and nothing occurs that doesn’t have a higher purpose. Surrender your mind to Him. And don’t accept anything that hasn’t been brought to you by Him. Don’t pursue what makes you uneasy. Don’t.

No more posts.