Zephyr

Only come if your path ends at my doorstep

I’ll only let you in if it was your heart that led you here
I keep my world warm and shielded from the drafts of a skeptical mind
My sensuality is sacred
My love is self funded
My being is lined with invisible ink
You’ll see me when you believe in me

My heart needsa live either way
My passion burns deep all the way
My soul will outlive alla y’alls favourites
I operate in my own matrix
Don’t you filter me through your filthy aggregates of averages
Don’t forget that I’m the descendant of reer mudug savages
I love deep but my reflexes don’t flinch, I don’t hesitate
I’m a vessel for peace but I can pour you a tall glass of mayhem

Numb feels good

Cruel Youth, Mr. Watson *


I’m tired of people asking
What I do when I’m alone

They spend the summer getting clean
But September comes and they fall like leaves
Oh what would I do without you?
What would I do to you?

Oh, Mr. Coca-Cola , I’ve been cheating with you
You’re the only one to fix the stupid shit I been through
Oh, Mr. Coca-Cola , you make up for all the love I lack
You’re the only one who knows my favorite colour
And it’s red and black

* lyrics tweaked a wee bit 😉

Equinox

There’s something deeply fulfilling in being able to sit in the twilight of my soul where the extremes of emotions meet, where what was once a cause of civil war becomes a peaceful vigil.

I feel like I’ve come full circle within me. I no longer run away from my darkness, seeking to chase the dawn because the darkness is not my enemy anymore. Just because I can’t control it doesn’t mean it’s nefarious. It’s in the realm of uncertainty and the unknown that the divine works. A divine I’ve been travelling towards for 5 years, meticulously restoring the templates distorted by my parents. I think kids see their parents as divine entities and if that perception isn’t challenged in adulthood it comes to represent God and the unknown.

I hold conversations with Allaah whenever I’m faced with the surge of something new within me, and instead of scrambling for defense, I can let go.
It’s allowed deeper parts of me to seep into my consciousness and come to light because I know that above all fear is Allaah. Beyond my control is Allaah.
I no longer am negotiating with my fears. I’m free because I’ve finally learnt to trust the One who created life and death, destruction and inspiration, darkness and light. It’s by His balance that all things are eternally in order. The unknown isn’t an empty void I have to be the guardian of in order to ensure the safety of the world. The unknown is a place of comfort where my hopes lie nestled when brutalized by a shallow world.

I’ve started to understand myself instead of listening for mistakes. I’ve started to study the shadow that I cast, and it’s no longer a lifeless silhouette. It represents my sleeping potential.  Instead of viewing myself through the judging perspective of the outside world and measuring myself by outcome, I see myself as an expression of a sovereign being. My soul is not defined by right or wrong, just like there is no right way for bees to buzz or an ideal height of the oak tree. Nature just is. And the mind has no jurisdiction in trying to cut it down to fit in with a preset model of what should be.

The mind’s role is to be a keen observer of what the soul unfolds, not its dictator. And in finding my ties to the divine, I’ve overthrown that brutal regime.

Now all there is is an open field of potentiality and love and my work in creating meaning from what arises has just begun.

Risk

The measure of a woman is in how much truth she can accept and embody
The measure of a man is in how much love he can receive and surrender to

To my rover

Who am I when I have nothing to look forward to?
Who am I in the depths of my being, which no one has experienced?
Who would I be to people if I didn’t make them feel good?
Who would I be if I spoke a language no one knew?
What if I saw things no one else had caught a glimpse of?
What if I were to be pulled by a strange force that addressed my heart alone – who would I then be?
If I were drowning in a river of imagination, would my death be real?

forget our conversations, the hours we spent laughing at the absurdity of this world, the long silences that weren’t awkward at all – would you recognize me by vibe? Because I do. I can actually remember my soul and yours standing next to each other in a life prior to this. I tried to forget you but my heart knew you before it even knew my own name. My name!
My love for you transcends time and space, and that explains why I’ve failed to shut the door on you. I’ve spent years travelling towards the horizon of your soul. I never thought I’d ever arrive, so distant and unfathomable was the connection. But it persisted and resisted my deviation, like the northern star.

And yet, I sailed away because I thought your soul had gone dim for me. I didn’t hear your echo, I didn’t see your reflection. I couldn’t endure the torment of the possibility that this secret I’ve carried in my heart for years would remain a secret. That’s too heavy a reality for me to endure. I’d rather make peace with the thought of never speaking to you again.

I’m usually good at disappearing and deadening the traces of others in my heart. But it seems like you came pre-installed. At this point, I’ve come to terms with spending the rest of my days alone because my heart does simply not have space for any other. I sleep with you on my mind, and I awake with you in my heart.

I write this more to myself, to come to terms with what I’ve tried deny and suppress for long. But I realized I couldn’t do that without suppressing a part of me. You’re forever ingrained in my soul and although I’m mortified at the thought of you ever coming across this, I can’t deny the truth. My truth.

So, I let go, of it all. What I am, whether you’ll ever return from that red planet of yours, what it all means. I let it go, flow, float into the ether.

May Allaah pull us back to our shared orbit. ❤️

Autumn faith

I’ll make love to you in 5 languages
And you won’t have to know any of them to understand what I’m saying

because you will.

IMG_20170916_202341_789

divine timing

I honour…

The steps I began to take on a path that I didn’t continue on
The hope I had in what never came to be
The love I poured in those who betrayed me
The seeds I planted that never bore fruit
The words stirred in my heart that never dared leave my lips
The sentences I started writing but never finished
The fleeting happiness carried by my smile which never quite reached my eyes
The dreams I thought would lead me home
The people I thought would make me whole
The truths that left a gaping hole
making it painfully obvious how empty my heart had become
The connections I had to disrupt to continue on my journey
The convictions that turned out to be illusions
The havens that turned out to be mirages

Inevitably, I learnt my truth through either elimination or illumination. In that regard, my darkness has helped me just as much as the light because I’m neither the dark or the light, but the interplay of the two. I’m the lone tree in the meadow that sees the light of day and is seized by the cover of the night, and yet it always shows up for the dawn of a new day.

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