Exiled from time

When you’ve lived in a state of perpetual dissociation, it can feel haunting to revisit silence and stillness, to say the least. It feels vacant, as if visiting a ghost town. All you are confronted by is the fact that people, families, deserted their homes in droves. The visceral fear that made me dissociate and live an emotionally and mentally vagrant life is still here, albeit in the traces and imprints it’s left behind in my being. Deep tracks where I’ve been dragged to the pits of mental hell. The worst part was not knowing whether it was a purification or a punishment.

People talk of muscle memory when someone performs a certain movement repetitively over time, until they can do it with little conscious effort. I don’t know if there’s such a thing as soul memory where you’ve trained yourself to anticipate and adapt to the unpredictability of PTSD and its triggers, but I sure have it down to a science. My life has been a mental obstacle course and a spiritual bootcamp since I was 17, without a break and without any exaggeration. The times I slumped down, refusing to keep going I quickly fell into suicidal ideation. It’s a game of the floor is lava, where the floor was suicide.

It’s surreal to tune into my mind and not be hit by a barrage of the darkest, emotionally violent noise. Just.. noise. A flurry of visceral emotions that charged at me the moment I was present in myself. Imagine being afraid of your emotions.

Imagine being so afraid of life that death is easier to bear.

Women aren’t goodwill

Obama out here saying we need more female leaders because men are starting to get on my nerves lately.

Why are women elevated through sloppy seconds? It’s like a backhanded compliment. Like when you’ve fucked up that’s when you want women to come in to clean up the mess? Wow.

It’s like those people who only contact you when they’re bored or want something from you. Getting power and position isn’t some accomplishment. It’s like being told that you can buy a house for dirt cheap because the whole neighbourhood is in foreclosure.

Women aren’t second-rate men. They are women with intrinsic value and essence. And it’s time we take time to discover and develop what comes naturally and organically to us instead of waiting on men to discover us or to discover what they have in us. Nah! That’s a form of self-hate and self-neglect. We need innovation and creativity to make sure we don’t recycle the tried and tested toxicity of the men. That entails not reaching for low hanging fruits or take shortcuts to appear a certain way. Pursue what resonates with you, regardless of how it looks like to others!

Higher space, deeper time

I just realized..

A baby is literally ahead of time. The womb is beyond time and space because the baby gets its identity stamped through the place it emerges in and the configuration of numbers on the clock that coincided with when the first person laid eyes on the baby emerging. When it’s seen, that’s when the baby is recognized. So that means, time and space is simply the dimensions that hold the visible aspects of creation. It’s like how we gauge or measure visibility. Just like meters and centimeters gauge the length and height of an object, our measure of it doesn’t mean the measurement comprehends the entirety of the object. For instance, we measure someone’s height for a specific purpose like jotting the height down for documenting the growth of a child, or to note it on the passport. So the measurement has no inherent meaning or purpose. It’s a stopgap. Likewise time and space holds no inherent meaning, it’s just a fraction and compartmentalization of a whole for a certain purpose. We need time to act as a bridge between thoughts, and space to be what unites the intentions of the heart.

It’s a way of making the whole relative to the parts we are because our minds can’t comprehend the whole. It needs to break it down and contrast it and analyze it and categorize it. (this is the function of the divine masculine and why prophets were exclusively the recipients of revelation)

And what’s not visible, what can’t yet be seen, is beyond time and space. But it’s still accessible to the individual, but not the collective. That’s why change and innovation and paradigm shifts come through the individual to the collective and not the other way around. (this is the function of the divine feminine and why the protection of the woman and the sacredness of her sexuality is so important.)

How Islaam safeguards and integrates the divine feminine

  • Xijaab that acts as an energetic shield and boundary to deter the intrusion from low vibration and destructive energy (note: deter not necessarily guaranteeing prevention)
  • The Prophet sallAllaahu calayhi wasallam telling women it’s more rewarding for a woman to pray in the innermost chambers of her home
  • Xajj for a woman being equivalent to jihaad
  • A man having to go through different avenues and sacrifice materialistically before he can take her to their marital home.
  • A man not being allowed to touch her wealth while he’s obligated to provide for her. If they divorce and she’s nursing a baby, he has to pay up.
  • Though there are NO excuses for leaving salaah (even if you can only literally blink, you’re obliged to pray through that blinking) even if you’re impure and don’t have water to cleanse yourself you may use dust, a woman has been given a spiritual dispensation for the duration of her period. Now, many speculate why exactly this is and assume, and though we may never quite understand the divine wisdom in its entirety, we know that menstruation is a kind of death, a kind of ‘shut down for construction’. So Allaah has matched her energetic shutdown and hibernation with a spiritual hibernation. It’s difficult for women to focus on different things at the same time of those things are fundamentally and dialectically opposed. So being forced to be spiritually alert and focused while her entire being and energy is dark would make worship counterintuitive. (I’m not laying claim to knowing that’s the divine wisdom but I’m simply asserting from experience).

This is what we here for

You doubt that as a woman you can create a revolution when your body is equipped to create A WHOLE HUMAN BEING. Do you even realize what that means? A human can’t be created in the world by force, by manly hands. The soul is divinely inspired but it needs a gentle place to land and take root in. Women are strong enough to have their organs shift around, their hormonal cycles recalibrated, the body create a nourishment subsystem without breaking a sweat!! And yet, they are gentle and soft enough to hold space for the minute development that takes close to a year. Gentle enough to protect the incredibly fragile baby long enough for the baby to become a robust, upstanding toddler!

Likewise, a new world, a different outcome needs gentleness to integrate into our worldly plain and people are far too hasty, too impatient, too cynical to hold a space in trust. They want to see, hear, touch, KNOW before they’ll reluctantly concede. But that’s not how things change. The heart is the collective womb and we need to be connected and cognizant of its nature to facilitate creative evolution. Just as the body has a system that allows it gauge the overall state and respond to the changes to maintain an optimum balance, WE have to be that awareness when observing and responding to shifts and needs in the external world. It’s not going to happen instinctually like animals operate. It has to be a conscious decision to choose transcendence and to choose the path to collective harmony when at the fork in the road where we are faced with the possibility of losing personal interest and what benefits the ego.

And it’s precisely and unequivocally because women have lost sight of the potency of their intuition and the function of their subtle nature that all of humanity is now at the mercy of a distorted masculine energy that hasn’t been tempered by the feminine because the feminine has abandoned her station to catch up with the masculine.

Not utilizing the divine feminine will result in what happened to the Titanic ; people underestimated nature and overestimated the capacity of what’s man-made. The divine feminine would have detected that iceberg by including its existence into the navigation plan. Refusal to coexist will only annihilate us, and not nature.

When myths maim

I think one thing that seriously holds back people from Africa and Asia where collectivism is prevalent is the fact that children are prevented from having space to evolve and propagate their unique geniuses and they’re instead saddled with the emotional labour of loving the elders. Kids are seen as assets and an extension of the parents and the form of love they’re given is quite hostile and suffocating in that they’re burdened with their own existence and have to redeem themselves for existing. Parents insist that they follow in their footsteps, meaning they hold children to a world that no longer exists.

Instead of being free to share their unique perspectives and talents, they have to funnel that mental and emotional energy into upholding the culture and meeting the parents arbitrary expectations and goals. They get sucked into the machine and become lodged between the cogs, entangled in the mechanics that hold no meaning.

They have to beat to empty drums that summon the devil that promised protection from fears through the illusions that we can somehow circumvent the losses of the past.

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