The beginning seems so long ago

For 2 nights in a row, in two different dreams I’ve said

I don’t want anyone else’s narrative to be the context of my life

Both dreams were confrontational, where I was backed into a corner metaphorically speaking and feeling incredibly unsafe. But I refused to let ‘them’ win; their projections and insecurities and threats and fears.

In the last dream I was telling off a former friend I had in primary school who, in the dream, had inferred wrong things from my actions.

I said to myself, trying to find clarity in the whirlwind of accusations, passive aggression and manipulation,” I understand how her mind works. She sees sensory data, puts them together and then read the image she put together. But she doesn’t understand that she’s binding them using her narrative when the context for those things are mine. She has no right to impose her conclusions on me.”

And although it was heartbreaking and triggering to go back to a younger and bullied me in the dream, it was powerful to stand my ground. And even more powerful that I learnt that from a dream. For way too long I’ve allowed others to run me over with their distorted takes on me for which I’d atone.

But now I’ll be returning triggers to sender. No more

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