Silent paragon

Slowly learning to accept that an overwhelming majority of activists and those speaking truth to power are still deeply traumatized and haven’t done self-work. I’m very sensitive to energy and I always scan someone’s energy before I do their words or work, and I’ve become increasingly disappointed in the world because I thought someone tending to the public in that capacity and awareness was obviously someone who had first done their healing.. but often they’re spurred into action because they’re confounded by their compounded trauma and it’s the only way they know how to get a hold on what’s going on within them.. by changing what’s triggering them in the external world. ( of course this serves a purpose to awaken people to what’s triggering, so it’s not like their work is inherently futile).

Not only is it an extremely dreary path to take because you’re consistently in resistance and conflict with what’s coming up for healing within you, but you’ll cause fragmentation everywhere you go as you’re contagious with the emotional violence still active in your psyche. Words become weapons that you use against those that trigger a survival reaction in you, and as a sensitive person your energy field is very porous. It’s impossible to go in the direction of thriving while simultaneously steeped in survival. Those are polar opposite trajectories ; thriving requires transcending survival and to move beyond deficiency needs to growth needs ( think Maslow’s hierarchy of needs).

The effectiveness of your work is rooted exclusively in the amount of self-work and healing you’ve done. Had you gone deeper you’d have discovered that you don’t necessarily need to seek the public to be effective, rather being grounded and integrating the light that comes through you, in whatever form or direction, is all that is needed. Like a lighthouse, being distant from the storm can be what’s the most helpful to those engulfed by the storm.

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