You endure suffering because you have supporting beliefs ingrained in you that recognize toxic and harmful behaviour directed at you as a valid consequence for how you showed up or what you exposed. There’s something within that’s implicating you to put the burden of avoiding or eliminating harm on your shoulders. That is, a perpetual focus on survival and a hypervigilant approach to life that holds no room for abundance.
Peace isn’t earned or created, it’s an innate and natural expression of life. It’s a divine right. No life emerged from chaos or disharmony! So don’t think that you have to change a situation or do something to be at peace. You don’t. But you need to release these painful and false beliefs. You’ll know what’s false by how you’re unsettled and agitated about it. Your emotions recognize truth. They also recognize what’s not truth (much like your immune system). It’s more important to trust Allaah in this process than to ensure an outcome.
These beliefs give you a modicum of control and structure to protect against the chaos, but it’s like sand castles; you don’t want to live on the precipice of constant catastrophe and the sirens of danger blaring all the damn time. I know you don’t. But if you believe that the foundation of life and the cosmos is chaos and danger, of course you’ll hold on to whatever will shield you against what you deem is ‘just the way life is’.
But it’s not. And you already know this because your entire body and soul has been kicking and screaming for God knows how long, protesting these lies that line your mind.