I realize that women contribute to this in a major way by way of the Cinderella/damsel in distress conditioning we are subjected to where we expect a man to save us from danger and fear. So when men show vulnerability – nonresistance to fear – it pushes us back into a conflict because we realize there’s no one to save us. And it may feel easier to beat the insecurity out of the man so that he can be a rock and protect us and provide certainty for us.
Toxic femininity is the foundation for toxic masculinity and I don’t know when we’ll admit it. Mothers mould boys into being the men they become. And that requires more scrutiny and investigation than is afforded rn. I’m not saying mothers make boys become a certain way but by virtue of bringing some biases and expectations on to their psyche and having them ‘become the man of the household’ very early on, they set up a certain dynamic and dichotomy that leaves little wiggle room.
What men need isn’t validation or compliments. They need to be held to the truth and given the space to think out loud without expectations or script. And unless they do that, unless they talk about what’s hurting them about a situation instead of going into blame and fighting mode then that space is revoked. Positive reinforcement of their true selves. It ain’t about good or bad, but about being real and taking ownership of the consequences of that. It doesn’t matter if people think less of you. Masculinity isn’t a socially reinforced script, it’s something divinely created and it won’t come out until you meet yourself in truth. No one can take away what God created, but they can make it seem so by making you hide parts of yourself. And that’s on no one but you.