I want to exist beyond thoughts. I want to construct a life based on feelings, feeling into everything. Feeling into the pain, to understand. Feeling into the good, to be intimate. Feeling into the spaces in between, to remember Allaah.

Today I learnt that my feelings don’t need fixing. My brokenness isn’t in regards to the feelings that are naturally extracted by the circumstances I find myself in, but rather the ways in which I fight the feelings that don’t fit the mental images I constructed to gain control. They spill outside the frame, dissolving it. In ways, the brokenness is a return to the zero point field I was created in. It’s a return to the divine order instilled deep in my spirit that nothing can undo. Nothing.

What’s truly broken is my connection to these primordial truths that have been lost and forgotten. But Allaah never loses nor forgets, so hope is eternal in that sense. I’ll pick up where I left off.

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