We’re conditioned to manipulate men into picking us to be loved. We exert influence to be noticed and recognized. Everything rides on someone else acknowledging what is stored within us but for which we don’t have a means of genuine expression.
I think this is why women act territorial over their men when the men flirt or have full-blown affairs with another woman. The other woman challenges the ‘main chick’ and rivals her influence over the man. It becomes less about the relationship and more about an overt kind of power: manipulation through illusion.
Illusion of what? Well, by embodying everything we pick up through non-verbal cues and pattern recognition that the man yearns for. We offer to become his crutch to bolster his ego. Anything to make him see that we’re the right choice. It’s no wonder then that consumerism and exploitation of women go hand in hand. It’s a macrocosmic representation of what we are conditioned to do in order to be chosen (consumed, bought).
The problem is, a relationship that came into fruition through convincing will always be dysfunctional unless the woman frees herself from the codependency and self-pity that is often used to avoid taking responsibility for oneself. Unless a woman is herself unconditionally, expecting no compensation or reward from the man for simply being her, she’ll forever be a subordinate to his ego and hold an auxiliary position in the relationship. She’ll be viewed as part of the service industry ; he’ll feel he maintains her existence. To some extent it’s true. When you give someone the role of being a mule for your inner expressions and self hood, you communicate that you’re not able to function without them. So while your contribution to his life is complementary, his contribution to yours is absolutely fundamental because you haven’t learnt to contain all of yourself within yourself. Your very safety lies in the hands of others. When the stakes are that high, you’ll tap dance and perform until you evaporate.