I think I’ve subconsciously expected everyone to be kind, especially when they bolster their ego with all kinds of success, accolades and abundance. I’d think well, kindness is the most effortless thing in comparison to all you boast about. To me, it’s like giving someone a dollar when you’re a billionaire.
So whenever I encountered unkindness I’d chalk it up to a misunderstanding, perhaps something I did to offend or hurt them. I never could fathom that someone can just be unkind for no reason. I never ever thought that. And I’d take on way too much and linger way too long trying to repair what never was wholesome to begin with.
I’m just realizing all of this now. And it hurts my heart, it really does. It’s painful to contemplate that someone would look at all my flailing attempts at consoling and reconciling, and their hearts wouldn’t even move a bit. In fact, they probably felt powerful by doing that. They probably looked at my vulnerability and naivety as something pitifully disgusting.
But it’s alright. Because I’d rather someone think that lowly of me than I think lowly of others. A wholesome heart is too precious to waste.