I can’t protect myself and I can’t advance myself. I can’t control my feelings or the feelings of others. This is the great existential threat that I have been tirelessly toiling against since my teens, trying to control and predict my world so that I could be safe. Of course, I didn’t want to cut straight to the chase and leave the whole simulation I was born into and conditioned to run on. I didn’t think I could survive that level of intense confrontation.
I didn’t know Allaah, intrinsically.
He’s protected me from annihilation even in the midst of extreme distress and trauma. He’s advanced my understanding by quantum leaps despite me not being in a state of mind where I could devote myself to studying.
And now I’ve come to the precipice of my existential battlefield and though I have no proof of what lies beyond, or if something lies beyond this for that matter, I have an intuitive feeling to go for what magnetizes me and not fear the doubts that crop up because my departure and my safe landing is but a creation of Allaah’s.
وَقَالَ ٱرْكَبُوا۟ فِيهَا بِسْمِ ٱللَّهِ مَجْر۪ىٰهَا وَمُرْسَىٰهَآ إِنَّ رَبِّى لَغَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ
And he [Nuh] said: “Embark therein, in the Name of Allah will be its moving course and its resting anchorage. Surely, my Lord is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.”