Externally valued

I always had a subconscious demonic programming that made surrendering to Allaah seem “too easy” and like it was a cop-out because “others don’t need to in order to function normally”. I never realized the anatomy of mind control until I started looking deep into pain. It was made to seem like transcending ego was the easy way out, the coward’s way out. I now accept that I don’t need to prove myself and it’s alright that I’m a coward and whatever else I’m threatened with. Because the things that make me love life and my heart sing aren’t worldly or concrete or pragmatic. They are intuition, visions, empathy, being able to connect the dots and see the bigger picture, having intuitive downloads and quantum leaps in learning, love, divine support.

And I realize that to surrender is actually the most difficult thing to do, not easiest thing to do. Because to surrender entails making a choice and sacrificing the options. It entails uncertainty and loss of control. It’s the demise of the ego, which is the only way shaytaan can influence a person so it’s understandable that its preservation is vested into.

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