I’d spend so much time feeling the subtle ripples of an incoming negative energy attack so that I could devise a defense before I’d be hit. I had to be extra sensitive because my only line of defense was to get ahead of the train that’d inevitably hit me. It just bought me time to anticipate the perspective and dissociate.
I just realized this a few minutes ago, and it was something I asked Allaah to clarify to me why it was so hard for me to just relax without having to be hypervigilant or expect the worst case scenarios. And it came when I realized that I had some thoughts knocking on my energy field and I was like nah, I ain’t letting them in. Usually I’d have to put myself in that space to foresee what was coming. I’d use my clairvoyance to protect myself. And when I said nah, there was this barrier that drowned the ‘noise’ of the knocking and it felt like a neighbour yelling through the wall. The fear of the consequence came that what if I get hit unprepared? And I said I’ll take my chances. That’s when Allaah extrapolated that inner convo to my question of why I couldn’t relax. And yo, the feeling of emotional residue melting off as it clicks and unblocks is unmatched.
This is how I get nearly all if not all of the information and insight I share. Through feeling through my experiences, working through them, asking Allaah to teach me and give me that holistic perspective that I can’t possibly conjure, and make space for that light to come through. I receive my faith and conviction through real life miracles like this. I consider it a miracle because if I didn’t have that connection to Allaah and the emotional sensitivity, there’s no way that I’d find any information. There is no information on what I’m experiencing because if there was there would be no need for me to go through the deep and extensive journey I did. It for me to unlock the light in the dark and bring it out to people.
And I just keep asking Allaah to not let anyone else go through what I did. I have no other desire or intention but to make the path to the light and truth easier for people. To alleviate the pain that I wish someone could help me do when I was in that position. Being alone, young, isolated, scared, confused, shamed.