I realized that I’m genuinely allergic to bad vibes like resentment and bitterness and cynicism. I’m like a forest in the Australian summer; one spark and it’s on 🔥 🔥. I know for a fact that it’ll end in death. It might take time to be ravished from the inside but I know because I’ve been there so many times. I’ve seen the spark, I’ve seen how smooth it seems when it just takes off and I’m just watching myself burning. It’s like cycling downhill. I don’t have to fight anything anymore, I don’t have to fight for anything anymore.
But forests weren’t created to be decimated by wildfires. That’s not why God put all that detail into it. Even if I’m not in bloom, it’s in my essence. If it wasn’t I wouldn’t crave for it so, and I wouldn’t self-destruct in its absence. I’d have thrived. There’s something inside me fighting to get out and I’m fighting to not bury it.
And that’s what I hold on to, at least until I can see it manifest. That’s when I’m out of the woods (ha!).