Premeditated suffering

When you internalize your core wounds which usually are the initial blows to your psyche as a child, you rearrange your existential instincts that you came into being with and instead of evolution you become committed to protection. You can’t survive and thrive at the same time. And this is a good thing because if you’re underdeveloped and overpowered then it’s not a good idea to punch up.

But what happens when you outgrow the threats to where it’s possible to challenge your original beliefs around the existential woundings? Because if you’ve created a base commitment to protection then that means that you believe that reality is fixed and that healing is impossible. So you do what you can with what you have. However, this also means that when the opportunity for healing and growing into a more harmonious reality avails itself you’ll vehemently reject it because it’s not a possibility in your mind. You’ve so identified with the poison that you’re threatened by the antidote for fear that this would provoke even more poison. Though you’re no longer that child, your subconscious is still acting on the best interests of that helpless child you once were. And that means that you’re perpetually overpowered and there’s no possibility of being free. That fixed protection system came into existence for a specific purpose and that’s all it knows how to do.

There comes a time where you have to shed the exoskeleton and you’ll be attacked by your own psyche – not unlike an autoimmune disease. And you have to stand your ground long enough to gain immunity through reinjury. This self-annihilation pits the ego against the calcified wounds, stimulating a process of spiritual alchemy that transmutes you into a higher self which essentially is your soul potential or self-actualization.

So your wounds aren’t a block in your evolution, they are actually divinely assigned to trigger this intense process.

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