The summer at the end of 4th grade

My body says I’m a woman, school says I’m a child. I am confusion. Someone please tell me what this entails? Am I expected to act like mum and stop acting like the kid I was a month ago? How do women act? I tuck it in, cover it up, step back, sit down, can’t forget, can’t forget, can’t forget, shit! Forgot! Embarrassment, shame, shame, shame. Cut down, mute, push away, tear apart. I hate my body. I hate it because I’m supposed to look like that and it won’t stop looking like this and the more suggestions I notice the bigger the rift grows within me. The war against myself is engendered by the unclear crossing over to womanhood.

Who knew that the loss of my childhood would be so bloody?

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