I’ve learnt that I don’t have to be strong, I don’t need to have it figured out, I don’t need to become perfect to be fulfilled existentially. I just need to accept my truth with no varnish or excuses and it’s from there that I can ask Allaah to give me what I lack. I don’t lack because I should have had it by now but because it’s something I have to seek from the divine. I cannot be self-reliant. I’m meant to depend on the divine for every single thing. To recognize my needs and my need of Allaah in all affairs is a strength because I have to be ok with my human weakness and imperfection without identifying with it or getting lost in defending against the shame. I have to be brutally honest to receive redemption in the form of divine love.