The antidote to trauma is silence I think. I’ll try adopt that this summer in shaa Allaah. No planning, no restlessness, no pressure, no figuring out. I’ve been doing enough digging. I’ll sit anticipating nothing, accepting everything that comes. Just the thought gave me a heavy feeling in my gut. It’s the complete opposite of what my life has been in the past 12 years, so being still and silent feels like being on a yacht in shark infested waters. The imprint of terror is so strong that I’m pretty certain it’s changed my DNA. I just hope my healing gets encoded in my DNA so that I’ll pass that on instead.