Ramadan 2018

My biggest hinder is my ego. It’s what obscures my insight. It’s the devil’s mistress. It’s what I’ll dread and regret when I leave this earth. It’s what makes the beautiful ugly ; it denigrates my vulnerability and dismisses my love as being foolishness, it encourages me not to trust, not to be truthful, not to risk things for my truth. It reminds me of past experiences that were hurtful as a reason to not try again. It blocks me from connecting to my fellow human and it turns me away from surrendering to Allaah. All the while it covers its tracks to ensure I always need it. False idol. Am I a puppet? Do I love to perform? Are my dreams validated by a stage? If I do honest work and no one ever found out, how would I feel? Maybe I’m attached to my ego because it makes me feel something, it gives me an identity. Who am I?

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