I’ve been creating in others the world that I’ve always yearned for and needed but thought it was unspeakably impossible to have. So I went into others shadows and fields to carry their toxicity, tryna fix it and love it away. All to escape my gaping hole where my soul was rumoured to be. Having a psychiatric disability that grew increasingly worse with my denial and wanton self-neglect that placed me in harm’s way many, many times over.
The grace has been that though as battered and bruised I was left after each collapse of my sandcastles, I saw my shadow, I saw my ego, I saw what drove me into clear danger : my self-hate. It’s been a slow and long journey of over a decade, but I’m grateful that returning to my truth has been redeeming and that my courage in the midst of the unforeseeable chaos and mystery has been unwavering.