I don’t know what it is that I need. I thought I did. Turns out it was just different versions of bandaids. I didn’t know what the pain meant. I still don’t know what it means. I just know I want it to stop. I guess what I needed is a restoration of whatever in me that is plagued. Only Allaah knows what that is and so reluctantly, I surrender to His wisdom. I say reluctantly not because I don’t want to surrender to Allaah but because I have to succumb and deepen into the gates of this pain I’ve been evading for so long. I successfully managed to keep it at bay and now that I’ve discovered that the journey isn’t complete until I find myself on the other side, I choose to return to the flame and put down my barriers and shield.