Every moment is a choice of authenticity over survival. With time, the feeling of impending doom dims and the pang of loneliness becomes a mere stab in the gut every now and then. Being at odds with others becomes bearable, while life takes on a deeper, more vivacious dimension that makes it all worth it. It’s like having a rainforest grow in your heart, replacing the suffocating desert you suffered when you were forced to adapt to the external world.
Abandonment and invalidation have become waves that touch the shore before retreating, instead of the tsunamis they used to be to me. I’m extremely grateful to Allaah for guiding my steps through this highly unpredictable existential quest for self.