I seek refuge with Allaah from feeling like what troubles me outweighs any hope I have. I constantly feel like that. Overwhelmed by everything. As if I have to pull myself up by the bootstraps. As if I have to redeem myself with Allaah, prove myself worthy, before He’ll love me, before He’ll love my anguish away. I feel as if any grace I receive can be revoked at no moment’s notice, plunging me back into the torrent of chaos. As if He will treat me like my parents.