You don’t have to be ok in order to be ok. You don’t have to ward off whatever is bringing you down or protect yourself from slipping back into depression for you to be ok.
You know why?
Because Allaah doesn’t need you to do anything special or perform in a way that makes you eligible to receive help. You don’t need to be anything other than what you are and where you are for Allaah to respond to you. His mercy doesn’t need a welcoming committee or a bridge or an open door to reach you. His mercy is the welcoming committe, the bridge and the door and the act of opening to make space for the entrance of His light.
You don’t have to fix yourself. You don’t have to discipline yourself. You don’t have to prove yourself. You don’t have to avoid anything. You just have to have khushooc in the middle of everything that’s ever wrong. Don’t run away, or escape. Go deeper, seek Allaah’s aid.
He is al-Waasic (الواسع) the Vast, who will broaden your horizons
He is ash-Shaheed,(الشهيد) the Witness, who knows how much effort and struggle you go through to do 1/10th of what people who don’t battle mental illness or chronic illness do easy breezy.
He is al-Mateen, (المتين) the Firm, who will keep you steadfast when you’re wobbly.
He is al-Mubdi’, (المبدئ) the originator/initiator/catalyst who will start for you what you’ve been procrastinating.
He is al-Qaabid, (القابض) the restrainer, who will keep you together when your world is falling apart and will keep you from destroying yourself.
He is al-Musawwir, (المصوّر) the giver of forms, who will flesh out your vision and give your dreams definition.
He is al-Qahhaar,( القهّار) the subduer, who will subdue the terrifying waves towering over you, threatening you with their stature and the obstacles that give you so much anxiety.
He is al-Mucizz, (المعز) the giver of honour, who will safeguard your truth and dignify you by it even if others hate it.
He is ash-Shakur,(الشكور) the grateful, who appreciates every intention, every fleeting thought that is of a good nature, every single step, every half-baked effort, every unfinished endeavour. He recognizes you.
He is al-Xafeed (الحفيظ) the preserver/protector, who will protect what you love the most and preserve your creative legacy.
He is al-Waajid, (الواجد) the perceiving finder, who will find that needle in the haystack for you.
He is al-Baaqi, (الباقي) the immutable, who will never change or switch on you.
He is al-Muceed,(المعيد) the restorer, who will bring back the essence of everything you’ve lost, of the youth that was lost to depression.
He is ar-Razzaaq, (الرزّاق) the sustainer, who will provide for you even if everyone turns their backs on you.
He is as-Salaam (السلام) the ultimate provider of peace, who will be your calm in the storm, your underground bunker in an apocalypse.
You need to realize that you can’t do what only Allaah can do, and the only thing required of you is to surrender every false notion or ego that tries to vie with the divine. Don’t try to find honour in being untouchable or always getting something right. Don’t base your life on a false identity that is aligned with iblees template of going rogue to find glory. You receive glory in keeping your heart open through being true to yourself, at all times.
وَلَوْلَا فَضْلُ اللَّهِ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَتُهُ مَا زَكَىٰ مِنكُم مِّنْ أَحَدٍ أَبَدًا وَلَٰكِنَّ اللَّهَ يُزَكِّي مَن يَشَاءُ وَاللَّهُ سَمِيعٌ عَلِيمٌ
And had it not been for the Grace of Allaah and His Mercy on you, not one of you would ever have been pure from sins. But Allaah purifies whom He wills, and Allaah is All-Hearer, All-Knower.