I wanna be whole. I wanna heal. I wanna move on. I want my own home. I want to feel without fear. How is it that I’m intimately aware of the taste of death yet taste of life triggers me? It’s like I’ve succeeded at bypassing the memories so well that I’ve tricked my system into thinking I already died. I take snapshots of life, I never press record or play because being in the flow gives me motion sickness. But I can’t stop the earth from spinning.
Once the movie starts I can’t stop it. And I’m afraid it’ll stop my heart, or at least my brain. Like I’ll just combust with anxiety.